One of these days I will have so much more to say here. So much more. For now the thoughts swim around…desperate to get out, but I dare not let them. Not yet.
I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning. We talked for hours. I explained that there is this part of my life…this major piece of who I am that I have finally launched.
And I used the analogy of a red launch button. My whole life I’ve seen the button. It’s been right there. For a long time I refused to acknowledge it’s existence. I walked wide circles around the button to avoid it. But there it was still. There were several steps necessary for the button to even work. Two power switches had to be flipped. A key had to be inserted and turned to the on position. And finally a plastic cover with a full on warning of the eminent danger of what pressing the button would mean had to be lifted. When I finally worked up the nerve I really looked at the button. Saw what it would take to press it. That was satisfying enough. I fingered the switches until one day I got curious and flipped switch number one. Wow…that felt interesting and a tad scary. Switch number two was easy to flip, but then I ran like hell. I was terrified at what I might do next. And besides I didn’t have the key to insert to turn the thing on anyway. Until one day…look…a key. Wow. A totally unexpected key. And of course I took advantage of that key. Inserted it and turned it on. I fingered the plastic cover. I even opened it and fingered the red button. I opened and closed that cover countless times. Then one day…one fine day I couldn’t say no to that red button anymore. I had to press it. I had to take the chance at what would happen. Face the danger head on.
That is where I am. The button has been pressed. There is no turning back. There has been no explosion yet, but it is coming. I feel it. Things will be destroyed. I am prepared for that. The amazing thing is that new life will grow from the destruction. And there will be surprises mixed in. Things that I had no idea could survive such a devastating blast will survive. I am hopeful for those surprises and that new life.