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giant steps

Friday night I told my kids about the divorce.  Hardest day ever.  I didn’t tell them the reason.  I talked to the lawyer about it, and she recommended that I wait on that one.  She said that it would be better to let them adjust to their parents not being together before we take on that one.  I talked to my husband about it, and he was ok with that idea.  I told my oldest kids first.  I am not going to go into their reactions here.  Just know it was hard.  They told me they loved me and gave me a hug when we ran out of words.  The youngest was the worst.  I knew it would be that way.  I told her separately for that very reason.  She was a textbook case.  She said and did everything you would expect a kid to do.  It just about killed me.  I’ve been watching them over the last two days.  They still seem to be in shock.  They are watching me and my husband.  We are like we’ve always been.  Talking, laughing, and being friendly.  Maybe it helps that they see that we are still friends.  Maybe it would be better if we were fighting.  That would make more sense to them.  I wonder if giving them a reason would have made it easier or harder.  So many thoughts.  My youngest summed it up perfectly last night when she said, “this is just so complicated.”  

Today they went to church.  I wonder if they told any of their friends.  I wonder if the phone calls are about to start.  I’m not quite ready for that.  

I’ve turned in my papers, and the lawyer is filing them tomorrow.  

I have a feeling that this is going to be a really long week.


4 responses »

  1. we’re here for you.
    I’m so sorry that this is so complicated. but I’m proud of you for getting the hard part over. it will take some time, as all things do. but everyone will be ok.
    love you mucho, mama.

    • I remember that day, two years ago, when we told our children. It was heart-rending. And yes, they will be in shock for a while. There’s a bumpy road ahead – anger, sorrow, and fear on the kids’ parts. But I can tell you we are on the other side of that – it really does get better. My thoughts are with you, Natalie.

  2. Hang in their kiddo. This was the worst of it for now.

  3. Such a HUGE step – I’m proud of you for taking it and deciding you can love your family and yourself at the same time. It’s going to be a bumpy road, but one you have help navigating.

    Keep your chin up – your kids know you love them. Lots of things will change for them, but that’s not one of them.


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