I was reading Chookooloonks blog the other day and she mentioned that every year she chooses a word to help motivate, guide, and hopefully define the year to come. I’ve been thinking about that some. I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year. I’m not a huge fan of them. If I feel the need to change anything or reinvent any part of myself I just do it. But choosing a word for the year…that’s an idea I can get behind. So I’ve been doing some thinking. Where do I want to be at the end of the year and what word best describes the process of getting there? I decided that in order to be able to choose a proper word for this year I needed to look back at the last few years and assign words to them as well.
2007 – I hadn’t planned to go this far back, but I think it was the beginning for me. In January of this year I went back to Turkey after a 7 month stay in the states. I fully expected to have some culture shock because I had been told by the experts that a second term overseas was usually the hardest. The experts weren’t kidding. I believe it was this culture shock that popped the bubble I had been living in. I found myself questioning everything I had ever been taught and discovering things about myself that I had only suspected. As a way to deal with it all I blogged. 293 times. My 2007 word – controversy.
2008 – A year I’ll never forget. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. For the first time ever I wasn’t content with where my life was. I knew I had to leave the country and job I loved. I knew that despite my love for it I couldn’t continue to do the job with the company I was with. I spent the better part of the year waiting to move on. During this waiting period I dealt with feelings I had never had before. I know feelings can’t necessarily be trusted and that the heart is a fickle creature so believe me I was extremely wary of what I felt. The biggest thing for me was that I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing. It felt wrong to feel so right. I had to leave to deal with the reality of it. I wasn’t 100% sure where I was going other than back to the states. And to deal with the waiting and the feelings I blogged. 423 times. My 2008 word – anticipate.
2009 – I had only been back in the states for a little over a month when we rang in 2009. I was dealing with reverse culture shock in myself and in my kids. As we began to settle I found an accidental job and loved it. I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and I moved out of my house and into a 2 bedroom apartment. I lost friends, family, and security. I gained freedom to explore, strength to move on, and a few friends along the way. My blogging slacked off quite a bit due to the job and the fact that I didn’t know what else to say. Only 203 posts. My 2009 word – interlude.
2010 – I went from one accidental job to another and had the undying support of someone special. With her support I began standing on my own two feet, but still felt overwhelming fear that I might fail. I tiptoed around and hoped and prayed that everything and everyone would be ok. I spent many days exhausted from the pressures of it all. Due to that my blogging suffered greatly. Only 95 posts. My 2010 word – consumed.
Controversy because I was arguing with myself. I fought what I was learning and discovering because I was uncomfortable with it.
Anticipate because I didn’t know what the future held. Sometimes it seemed amazingly bright and other times I could only see darkness.
Interlude because I was between things. Decisions were being made that would move me from who I had been to who I would be.
Consumed because I felt completely used up. I had done everything I mentally could and now I could only watch and see what others would do.
And now I sit and think about what my word for 2011 should be. I’m not sure yet. I’ll get back to you in a few days with my decision.