The word

I was reading Chookooloonks blog the other day and she mentioned that every year she chooses a word to help motivate, guide, and hopefully define the year to come.  I’ve been thinking about that some.  I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year.  I’m not a huge fan of them.  If I feel the need to change anything or reinvent any part of myself I just do it.  But choosing a word for the year…that’s an idea I can get behind.  So I’ve been doing some thinking.  Where do I want to be at the end of the year and what word best describes the process of getting there?  I decided that in order to be able to choose a proper word for this year I needed to look back at the last few years and assign words to them as well.

2007 – I hadn’t planned to go this far back, but I think it was the beginning for me.  In January of this year I went back to Turkey after a 7 month stay in the states.  I fully expected to have some culture shock because I had been told by the experts that a second term overseas was usually the hardest.  The experts weren’t kidding.  I believe it was this culture shock that popped the bubble I had been living in.  I found myself questioning everything I had ever been taught and discovering things about myself that I had only suspected.  As a way to deal with it all I blogged.  293 times.  My 2007 word – controversy.

2008 – A year I’ll never forget.  The highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  For the first time ever I wasn’t content with where my life was.  I knew I had to leave the country and job I loved.  I knew that despite my love for it I couldn’t continue to do the job with the company I was with.  I spent the better part of the year waiting to move on.  During this waiting period I dealt with feelings I had never had before.  I know feelings can’t necessarily be trusted and that the heart is a fickle creature so believe me I was extremely wary of what I felt.  The biggest thing for me was that I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing.  It felt wrong to feel so right.  I had to leave to deal with the reality of it.  I wasn’t 100% sure where I was going other than back to the states.  And to deal with the waiting and the feelings I blogged.  423 times.  My 2008 word – anticipate.

2009 – I had only been back in the states for a little over a month when we rang in 2009.  I was dealing with reverse culture shock in myself and in my kids.  As we began to settle I found an accidental job and loved it.  I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and I moved out of my house and into a 2 bedroom apartment.  I lost friends, family, and security.  I gained freedom to explore, strength to move on, and a few friends along the way.  My blogging slacked off quite a bit due to the job and the fact that I didn’t know what else to say.  Only 203 posts.  My 2009 word – interlude.

2010 – I went from one accidental job to another and had the undying support of someone special.  With her support I began standing on my own two feet, but still felt overwhelming fear that I might fail.  I tiptoed around and hoped and prayed that everything and everyone would be ok.  I spent many days exhausted from the pressures of it all.  Due to that my blogging suffered greatly.  Only 95 posts.  My 2010 word – consumed.

Controversy because I was arguing with myself.  I fought what I was learning and discovering because I was uncomfortable with it.

Anticipate because I didn’t know what the future held.  Sometimes it seemed amazingly bright and other times I could only see darkness.

Interlude because I was between things.  Decisions were being made that would move me from who I had been to who I would be.

Consumed because I felt completely used up.  I had done everything I mentally could and now I could only watch and see what others would do.

And now I sit and think about what my word for 2011 should be.  I’m not sure yet.  I’ll get back to you in a few days with my decision.