One of the things that has really bugged me about all the coming out stuff is the fact that I’ve had to deal with many people thinking that I’ve lost sight of my faith in God. That somehow being gay means I don’t have a relationship with Him anymore. I have never known what to say to those people. The fact that I’ve read books about others who’ve struggled through this same thing didn’t seem to matter. The idea that I’ve watched numerous documentaries about people who were going through very similar circumstances wasn’t enough. But the most important thing was that I searched my soul. I read MY bible. I didn’t just let others’ words make my decision for me. I knew that just because others had been through a similar experience or situation didn’t mean that their decision and my decision had to be the same. I didn’t have to respond the same way they did. People don’t understand that. That every decision made has been a well thought out, prayed over decision. Even decisions made lately have been that way. Some of them hurt me and others. I hated that they did, but I knew they would when I made them. It wasn’t something that could be helped. That pain. But they were well thought out, prayed over decisions. And I felt like I was doing the right thing. I did what I felt led to do. I remember being frustrated over this about a year ago. The idea that because I was gay I no longer loved, trusted, or believed in God and His plan for my life. Then I read something that made me smile and added a little levity to my situation. It was written by Jenny, The Bloggess. A veritable Dear Abby of advice giving. The one who could be called on to offer gems of truth when truth was hard to find. I copied the truth I read on her now defunct advice column and saved it to read over and over when I needed to hear it. I’ve finally decided to share that advice with you, dear readers. Here is what I often want to say when someone questions my decision based on my faith.
You have to be blunt with these people. They’re often more tenacious than telemarketers because when they bring in guests they get bonus points that work like Marlboro Miles and at the end of the year they get a Nascar jacket or a boombox. Also, some of them are generous people who just want to help you on your personal spiritual journey. The problem is that it’s difficult to tell those two types of people apart so usually I just go with “You need to give up on me. God and I have our own shit worked out. It’s kind of private”. Nobody questions you when you have your own private covenant with God. And if they do question you just chuckle condescendingly and say “God said you’d have a hard time understanding. He said to tell you he’ll explain it all to you when you’re ready to really listen”. No one’s ever going to mess with you again.
A gem of truth. Maybe one of the lesser gems, but still…something I could put on and flash about if necessary, and that’s all that matters.