Sometimes I think about this blog and wonder if anyone even looks at it anymore. The fact that I haven’t been writing anything at all here or anywhere else bothers me. It used to be so important to me. A lifeline to sanity. And I wonder if I should resurrect the blog. Should I say something? And do I have anything to say?
When I started teaching I definitely blogged less. It was the nature of the beast. I didn’t have as much time, but when I did take the time to blog I didn’t really worry so much about what I was saying. Kindergarteners couldn’t find blogs on the internet and they certainly weren’t going to try. And then I changed grades. Fifth graders were different. They might find it. They might read it. And that wasn’t something I was ready to deal with. I was also concerned that the parents of some of those fifth graders would find it. What would they say if they knew I was gay? How would they react if they knew some of the things written here? I didn’t blog much because I was so busy with work and so busy after work just trying to get everything done that the blog mostly took a backseat to life. And I didn’t have the time to care much.
I’ve taught at the same school now for 3 years. I love the people I work with. Even though they don’t realize it, they’ve seen me through some tough times. When I started teaching there in March of 2010 I was in the middle of a divorce and nobody knew it. I didn’t tell a soul. My divorce was final that summer and nobody had a clue. My teaching partner found out because I had to deal with something while we were at a conference once, and I started to cry about it. I confessed to her that I was divorced. It was such an ugly word to me! I slowly let people know that I was divorced, but I told very few people that it had happened under their very noses. Many of them assumed I was married because I had kids, but nobody really asked and I didn’t tell. There would be no gossip about me! Over the next year people slowly discovered that I was divorced. Fast forward a year. During a conference one of my fellow attendees asked me why I got divorced. She was single and curious about marriage and all. I didn’t know what to say. I confessed to her and another teacher that I was gay and both were very sweet about it. They didn’t seem like it bothered them at all! I was worried that I would be the talk of the school once we got back, but as far as I could tell nobody said anything about it. Sweet Tea and I started dating at this exact time. She came to school with me to help set up my classroom and everyone met her. They knew she was my friend, but that was all that we said. We assumed that her lunch deliveries and attending school functions clued people in to who we were, but nobody said anything to me. Later we confessed to my newest teaching partner, and, as we suspected, she already knew. She said people were talking. That people would ask her, and she always told them that they should ask me if they wanted to know anything. I was so surprised that it was being talked about! I hadn’t heard any murmurings. Nobody seemed to treat me any differently than before so I was fine with it.
Today several people at the school know I’m gay. It isn’t a big deal. There are even a few parents who know. They’re the ones who are at the school a lot helping out so they hear the gossip and rumors. Just after Christmas I was talking to a mom of a student in my class. She asked if I had gotten anything “special” for Christmas. I wasn’t exactly sure what she was referring to so I mentioned a couple of gifts that I got and said it was a good holiday. Her response to me was, “Well, don’t you have a partner?” I was stunned. I told her that I did and that she had gotten me an iPad mini. I have no idea how she found out. I’m guessing some of those other parents and maybe even some staff. I guess they are talking. She was totally cool with it, and things have been fine with her.
I still haven’t come right out and told most people. I’m pretty sure everyone knows, but if they don’t want to ask I don’t feel the need to share. Yesterday I was commended for not being a gossiper. I don’t talk about others. If someone tells me something, they know I will not share it with anyone. I don’t want to be gossip fodder and I’m not going to start any of my own.