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The front porch

Recently, I was asked what type of person I could see myself with in 10 years.  I hadn’t really thought much about specifications up to that point, I just had a standard.  My standard has evolved over the last 5 years as my marriage ended and I started dating.  I’ve only dated two women, but there are three in my past.  I look at each of them and see what worked and what didn’t.  How we complimented each other and how we drove each other crazy.  I also use my ex-husband as a standard.  I don’t expect anyone to be like him, but there are qualities he had that were really attractive.  Things that I want in a future mate.  And there are things that I haven’t experienced with anyone I’ve been with that sound like something I would enjoy.  As I’ve contemplated all of this, and believe me I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time on this subject lately, there is only one thing I can say with certainty.  I will not be dating around.  I have no desire to go looking for this person.  I have no problem sitting back and waiting until God brings her into my life.  He knows the desires of my heart and will do a much better job than I could choosing the right person for me.  Will it be my first love or someone else entirely?  I have no idea.  All I know is that I’ve spent the last two relationships trying to make them something they weren’t.  I think both of those women would agree with me.  Years ago when I was contemplating coming out, I was asked to imagine a front porch with two rocking chairs on it.  One of those chairs was mine and the other belonged to the one I wanted to grow old with.  I’ve tried to imagine certain people in that rocking chair, but those images were fleeting.  And while I can’t see the face of the one I’ll call mine, my heart knows what she looks like.  And for today, that is enough.

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2 responses »

  1. I wish you luck finding the love of your life. There seems to be *at least* one person for everybody. So I have no doubt if you keep an open mind and heart, you will find someone to grow old with. It’s exciting to think that person could be closer than you think. Like living around the corner or someone you see weekly or someone you chat on the Internet with…

    Reply

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