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Personally, I think I’m fine…

I was talking to a friend about a personality test she had to take for her class.  She came up with a personality that only 2% of the population has and only 0.8% of women.  She likened it to being a unicorn.  After we talked about her sad state of affairs…her words…not mine, I decided to take the same test just for fun.  I’ve taken it before and I always end up right down the middle with no clear definition for who I am.  I’ve copied and pasted the parts in bold and added commentary.

Ok…I’m ESTJ.

People with ESTJ personality type are very dedicated and responsible. An ESTJ will do everything they can to fulfill their duties and meet their promises. People with this personality type respect and promote a good work ethic, and strongly detest cheating or any attempts to cut corners, especially in the workplace. Positions of authority must be earned. Period.

Yes…all me!

ESTJs are usually strong-willed and not afraid to voice and defend their opinions, even if they are facing a formidable opposition. 

Me again…

As Sensors (S), ESTJs live in the world of clear and verifiable facts. They are honest and direct, living in the present and taking note of everything that is happening around them. ESTJ personalities tend to have a clear vision and understanding of what is acceptable and what is not.


I do not like organizing people or developing or improving action plans though.  I would much rather take someone else’s plan and do what they need me to do.  I am on every committee at school because they know I’ll take notes and do what I’m told.

As far as relationships go…

When it comes to sexuality, ESTJs are likely to prioritize the physical side of intimacy rather than approach it from the spiritual or highly emotional perspective. ESTJ personalities tend to be very energetic, especially where their duties are concerned – this also applies to the sexual side of their relationships. The ESTJ is unlikely to be expressive verbally, but their sensuality will more than compensate for that.  

Totally true of me.  I do like the emotional connection of intimacy though so that part was a tad but off, but physical intimacy is important to me.

Talking of emotions, it is safe to say that they are likely to cause some of the most significant difficulties in ESTJ relationships. Despite being very social, ESTJs are not too good at deciphering the feelings of other people and can often be quite inattentive when it comes to sensing how their dating or a long-term partner feels.

I regret to say that expressing emotions sometimes makes me uncomfortable.  I think this is a learned behavior though.  Opening up and being vulnerable…scary!  I know that with my friend from France I had no problem saying how I felt because I was so sure of how I was feeling.  It’s when I am not sure of how I feel or how the other person feels that I hesitate to speak up.  I also need to be told sometimes what my partner needs.  I have no problem stepping up but sometimes I need to be reminded of that.   I also think this is one of those things that goes along with rejection and is somewhat of a learned behavior for me.  In past relationships, if I thought the other person wasn’t interested in me, why would they want me to be all lovey dovey with them?  It didn’t make sense.  In reality, if I had been more lovey-dovey then they might have wanted more physical intimacy.   I don’t know.  Also, the behavior of others highly dictates how much I open up to them.  If I feel bullied or like I don’t matter, or if I am spoken to harshly, I know it affects how I treat those people.  I know I pull back.  I say that because almost everyone who knows me as a friend sees the tender side much more than either of the last two girlfriends did.  I am complimented on how well I listen and my servant-heartedness.  I love to make people feel special.  I know it’s an area that I failed in somewhat in my last 2 relationships so I know to work on it in any future relationship.

And now I will look at each trait individually…

E – I am an extrovert, but barely.  I love going out and doing stuff with friends, but I love coming home to a quiet house as well.  I need my alone time or quiet time after a day at work.  Maybe because I work with kids…  There are days I don’t turn on my radio in the car on the way home from school because I am so tired of noise.

S – I am totally an Sensing person over a Intuitive.  I am introspective, but only because I always want to make sure I am doing the right thing.  I examine my own emotions and thoughts in so many situations.  I am usually very observant about what matters.  I won’t notice what someone is wearing…just that they look good.  But I will be able to tell you the name of their best friend from elementary school as well as any other tidbits they mentioned.  I pay attention to details.

T – I am definitely a thinker over a feeler.  I think this is partly a coping mechanism in some ways.  I think as a young person I would have been more of a feeler, but as I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve learned the art of thinking.  I also had to put my emotions aside for so many years because of the whole gay thing that it is easier than allowing myself to feel.

J – Judging for sure.  There is right and wrong…for me.  Now I will say that after living in another culture and seeing another religion I am much less likely to judge others.  I get that people might not think like I do and I do NOT have any problems with them if they don’t.  I do, however, still judge myself quite harshly.

And I’ll close with these things that I felt like are me but weren’t included at all…

I am fairly laid back.  I do not get my feathers ruffled easily at all.  I am extremely slow to anger…often making excuses for the other person instead of calling them on their shit.

I do like organization and control, but I usually only take it in places that are mine.  Like my closet.  Organized by color and season.  It’s mine and it doesn’t matter what anyone else does.  I do not make others follow my organizational patterns though.  My daughters are the worst about organization.  It drives me crazy, but it’s their stuff…their rooms…and as long as they are kinda clean I don’t care.  Even the clean part doesn’t bother me too much, because I just avoid looking at them so I don’t stress about it.   I did my ex’s laundry during our entire relationship.  I hung her clothes up the same way I did mine because if I didn’t they would have stayed in a laundry basket.  I didn’t like seeing the basket full of clean clothes in the closet so I hung them up.  It didn’t bother me at all to do that, and she actually liked being able to see what was clean.

I am somewhat indecisive but only because I usually don’t care.  I think I’ve said that before.  It’s not that I can’t make a decision…I just don’t care to make one.  If someone else has a preference, I am happy to go with that.  Most of the time.

I am a big adventure lover.  I love to have fun and try new things.  Within reason…nothing scary!!

I am also not good at delegating tasks to others.  It’s not that I don’t think they’ll do them right though.  It’s more that I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else so I tend to try to do it all myself.  I think if I was in a management position I would be able to delegate ok, but it would take a bit of work on my part.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve done much better at passing off tasks, but it has been a learned thing.

Edited – For those who saw this post in it’s original form, the crazy font sizes and styles was more than I could handle. I had to fix it.


2 responses »

  1. I’m an INFJ, it’s extremely rare (less than 1% of the population) so I can understand your friend feeling a little odd about being “different”. However, once I understood why I didn’t exactly fit in anywhere my whole life, I was able to embrace my uniqueness!

    I think no matter what, there are parts of these “personalities” that won’t fit because we’re all unique with our own set of circumstances and experiences. I was tested several times over several years to confirm that I was actually an INFJ – people answer differently based on life circumstances, current mood and even the weather!

    It’s cool though to get insight into yourself, isn’t it?

    P.S. I read your blog in my reader ALL the time – as well as the guest pieces you’ve written at Project: Underblog. I usually read from my phone and it’s hard to comment. But I decided I need to quit lurking!

    xo Dre

    • I still have your blog in my reader as well. When you write, I read! I came so close to commenting on Facebook the other day when you were talking about the kids and their keeping secrets from you!

      Thanks for commenting!


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