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3 ways to say it

Candied Jansen and I are going to Turkey.  The trip is over a year away, but it is actually happening.  She put a nonrefundable deposit down on it this week.  I’ve started three different blog posts with my thoughts and feelings about the trip, but I can’t seem to make any of them work.  My thoughts are too jumbled to make sense.  I decided that I would just copy and paste all three starts here and see if I could come up with an ending that would tie the three together.

Attempt #1

In the midst of all of my struggles in January, the opportunity to visit Turkey presented itself. I was already so overwhelmed with the idea of preparing my students for a test that seems so out of their league and the prospect of school work for myself that I had trouble with what emotion to feel when it came to the Turkey trip. When Candied Jansen mentioned the possibility of a trip to Turkey in 2016, my first thought was WOW! I looked over the places on the itinerary and was happy to see familiar sights as well as some places I hadn’t ever seen. When I looked at the dates for the trip, my heart sank. It was during a relatively important week in the school year. I didn’t think there was any way I would be able to take time off to go. I told her that while I would love to go to Turkey with her, I didn’t think I’d be able to get the time off. She encouraged me to talk to my principal to see what she said about it. A week or so later, I finally felt like I could ask her and not cry about the inevitable “NO” I was sure to hear. But she didn’t say no. She didn’t say yes, either. She wanted to think about it. She said she thought it sounded like a fabulous opportunity and wanted so badly to say yes, but as my principal she needed to think it through first.

Attempt #2

Candied Jansen and I are planning a trip to Turkey in 2016. The itinerary is set for us, but just thinking about it makes me nostalgic for the things I love about that country. I love walking everywhere you need to go and taking public transportation to get you to the further out places. I love shopping in open air markets for everything from clothes and towels to fruits and vegetables to random plastic items. I love buying simits from street vendors or from pasthanes.  I love visiting small towns and being invited into people’s homes for tea.  I love seeing really old history alongside modern amenities.  I love the tiny elevators and the huge jugs of cooking oil.  I get an ache in my chest/throat at the thought of getting to experience this place again.  I am so excited to share it with her as well.  

Attempt #3

Candied Jansen and I are going to get the opportunity to visit Turkey in 2016. The opportunity presented itself and we couldn’t pass it up! When I looked over the itinerary, I was excited to see some familiar places as well as a few places I never had the chance to visit. I honestly can’t wait to go.

The only bad thing about planning a trip a year in advance is all the time I have to think about the country and what I’ll miss not being able to see or do.

I won’t be able to go to the city I lived in while visiting Turkey. It is a good 6 plus hour bus ride from where we will be, and it really isn’t a tourist attraction. Part of me is sad about that, but the other part is somewhat relieved. If I visited my city, I’d only be able to walk around town and look at the places I once frequented. I have plenty of friends still in town, but I’m sure no one would be interested in a visit from me and my girlfriend. If I was alone, perhaps they would be okay with me stopping by, but I still wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so. These people are all faithful Southern Baptists and divorcing my husband and coming out was a sin in their eyes. Nobody would be rude or even claim that my sin is worse than any they are/have committed, but I know I would hear about repentance and all. I just don’t feel comfortable doing that.

I wouldn’t be able to visit Cappadocia. It is even further from where we will be tourists for the week.  The underground cities and unique landscape made it one of my favorite places to go.  One of these days, I hope to be able to go back there.  

All of these posts have me thinking.  I guess it’s true what they say.  You can never go back.  I know things will never be the same for me as far as Turkey goes.  That’s where the lump in my throat comes in, but I was the one who made that happen.  I don’t regret the decisions I made and am very happy with my life.  So I’m excited that I get to return to Turkey for a visit.  I’m also glad that I have no expectations of Turkey being the same place for me as it was in 2008 when I left.


One response »

  1. Candied Jansen

    Oh my gosh!…we should go back to the underground city…JUST…to have sex in it…experience it in a whole new way for you! It would be AWESOME!!


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