I feel like I am back in junior high. Shawna North liked Jimmy Parmer. So did Sandy Samson. There was scheming and manipulating and sleuthing going on. Debbie Newsom was also involved. And where was I during all of this? Sitting next to Jimmy. We had assigned seats…alphabetically. My last name came just before his. Now I will admit that I thought Jimmy was pretty cute. I talked to him from time to time. I also talked to Shawna and Sandy and Debbie. I didn’t like the drama around me, but I had a front row seat to it. I didn’t do things to try to get attention from Jimmy or any of the girls for that matter, but because I sat next to him I got attention. And I hated it.
I feel that way now. Like drama’s happening all around me. I have asked my husband for a divorce. That is drama I created. The rest of it is just this extra energy zapping stuff. I have been an open book for the most part here on this blog. Granted it is relatively new, but I haven’t tried to hide things from anyone. I have chosen not to use people’s names just for the sake of privacy. Quite a few bloggers use pseudonyms for their loved ones. It makes sense. Several people who read this blog know the real names of those I’ve mentioned anyway. I am perfectly fine with that. I am not hiding from the world. I am not hiding from anyone. It’s true that I created this place because of feeling stifled at my old place. I didn’t invite all those readers to this blog for that very reason. I would rather keep that other place for family and some friends and have this place for the others. It’s better that they are protected from what they might read here.
I think there is a time and place for everything. Now is not the time for some things to be said. Sometimes it is never time for things to be said. One of these days I might reveal the real names of some of the people I’ve mentioned here. But then again I might not. Not to keep secrets from people, but for the sake of privacy. And really does it matter?
One thing I will never do here on this blog is talk bad about others. I have talked about my family and a few friends. I have shared their responses to what I am going through. Through all of it I have tried to see things through their eyes. I have not bad-mouthed them. I have not played the poor, poor, pitiful me card. I have tried to give an honest account of the experience. Along those same lines I will not talk bad about people on any other social media site. My tweets and blog comments will never be used to tear someone down or attack their character. I won’t bait people or manipulate conversations to make myself look good. It isn’t me, and I don’t enjoy how it makes me feel.
I am living my life. Trying to take control of parts of it. Letting go of other parts. I don’t have time to be anxious or worried. I don’t have time for drama. Life is good, and I have some living to do.