living life

I feel like I am back in junior high.  Shawna North liked Jimmy Parmer.  So did Sandy Samson.  There was scheming and manipulating and sleuthing going on.  Debbie Newsom was also involved.  And where was I during all of this?  Sitting next to Jimmy.  We had assigned seats…alphabetically.  My last name came just before his.  Now I will admit that I thought Jimmy was pretty cute.  I talked to him from time to time.  I also talked to Shawna and Sandy and Debbie.  I didn’t like the drama around me, but I had a front row seat to it.  I didn’t do things to try to get attention from Jimmy or any of the girls for that matter, but because I sat next to him I got attention.  And I hated it.

I feel that way now.  Like drama’s happening all around me.  I have asked my husband for a divorce.  That is drama I created.  The rest of it is just this extra energy zapping stuff.  I have been an open book for the most part here on this blog.  Granted it is relatively new, but I haven’t tried to hide things from anyone.  I have chosen not to use people’s names just for the sake of privacy.  Quite a few bloggers use pseudonyms for their loved ones.  It makes sense.  Several people who read this blog know the real names of those I’ve mentioned anyway.  I am perfectly fine with that.  I am not hiding from the world.  I am not hiding from anyone.  It’s true that I created this place because of feeling stifled at my old place.  I didn’t invite all those readers to this blog for that very reason.  I would rather keep that other place for family and some friends and have this place for the others.  It’s better that they are protected from what they might read here.

I think there is a time and place for everything.  Now is not the time for some things to be said.  Sometimes it is never time for things to be said.  One of these days I might reveal the real names of some of the people I’ve mentioned here.  But then again I might not.  Not to keep secrets from people, but for the sake of privacy.  And really does it matter?

One thing I will never do here on this blog is talk bad about others.  I have talked about my family and a few friends.  I have shared their responses to what I am going through.  Through all of it I have tried to see things through their eyes.  I have not bad-mouthed them.  I have not played the poor, poor, pitiful me card.  I have tried to give an honest account of the experience.  Along those same lines I will not talk bad about people on any other social media site.  My tweets and blog comments will never be used to tear someone down or attack their character.  I won’t bait people or manipulate conversations to make myself look good.  It isn’t me, and I don’t enjoy how it makes me feel.

I am living my life.  Trying to take control of parts of it.  Letting go of other parts.  I don’t have time to be anxious or worried.  I don’t have time for drama.  Life is good, and I have some living to do.