the need to write

I am really quite amazed at this whole blogging thing.  I know that this blog has been discovered by people who know me in real life.  I’m sure many of them are quite shocked by what they’ve read here.  I can’t apologize for how I feel, but I can say I’m sorry if it hurts you.  I certainly didn’t want anyone to feel hurt by what I’ve written.  All I know is that I have to write it down.

I got my first diary when I was in grade school.  I think I wrote in it a few times, but I never kept up with it.  I have notebooks from high school and college where my scattered thoughts found a home.  Writing things down seemed like a good idea, but I never was diligent enough to keep a journal consistently.  As I’ve looked back over the things I’ve written I can see that my words came from emotional places.  Sometimes the emotions were sad, and other times I was elated.  Between 1991 and 2000 I don’t  think I wrote anything.  I was too busy having babies and doing the suburban mom thing.  In September of 2000 one of my aunts was killed in a horrific car accident, and my grief found it’s way onto 10 pages of 12 x 12 inch scrapbooking paper.  Front and back.  And really it wasn’t all about my aunt.  It was about legacies and friendships and various other topics.  The point is that the floodgates opened and I’ve been writing in some form or another ever since.

I started blogging in January 2006.  I was a slow starter…not understanding what keeping a blog would do for me.  I picked up the pace in January 2007 and have only had a few moments of writer’s block.  Blogging was so much better than just writing it down for myself.  It was out there for others to see.  I could get feedback.  I heard from others who could relate to what I was going through.  People laughed with me and cried with me and FELT with me.  I heard from naysayers and trolls as well as those offering encouragement.  The blogging community acted like a support group of sorts.  Even those people who disagreed with me were welcome to comment on my blog as long as their comments weren’t mean spirited.

I guess all of this is to say to those people who’ve found my blog…hi.  Yes, I’m still blogging.  You knew I couldn’t just stop.  You are welcome to comment here or to email me privately if you would rather.  You may just be here to find some answers.  That’s fine too.  If you are here to try to get me to change my mind or to build a case against me please go away.