This is a comment I left on a post of another blog I read. I thought it was important enough to share here as well. Oh…and when I comment on other blogs I rarely capitalize my words.
i am in the coming out process as well. i have told my parents and siblings, but i haven’t said anything to my own 4 children. i will eventually.
coming out is a process. everyone i’ve talked to or read about had a process, some time that they took to come out. it took time to understand and accept themselves as homosexual. many were disappointed in themselves, analyzing every aspect of their lives looking for hints of it. many tried to pray it away. some ignored it hoping it would go away, and some even killed themselves because of how much pain it caused them.
yes society can help by being more tolerant. our families can help by being accepting and supportive and by coming alongside us as we navigate this new territory.
BUT for most of us we have been processing our coming out long before we ever say anything. there is an inner struggle long before any outward appearance. just because i am ok with telling my family i’m gay doesn’t mean i have to demand that they be accepting and supportive of me the minute i say something. it took me years to accept it about myself and because i love my family i am willing to let them come to terms with it as well. some of them may never be able to accept me. while it makes me sad i certainly can’t demand that they do. it doesn’t mean they don’t love me. it doesn’t mean that they are scared of me or that they are uneducated or that they are haters. some people have a moral code that is different from mine and i respect their right to stand by that as long as they aren’t out physically hurting the ones they don’t agree with. (adding…I even respect their right to fight for their beliefs by voting for candidates who believe like they do. I am ok with protesters who are against what I believe in as long as they don’t get physical about it. Email campaigns, marches, and any other form of fighting for what one believes in is fine with me if people aren’t being hurt, harassed, or abused.)
In the comments someone made a reference to not being able to attend a 60th wedding anniversary unless they wore a more appropriate hair style. I said this about that.
and since something was said about hair i’ll give my 2 cents there as well. if i was going to my grandparents anniversary i would make sure that they way i dressed and wore my hair honored them. if my hairstyle was going to make them uncomfortable or call attention to me on their big day i would change it because i love them. it’s hair. it’s not my identity.
another example. when i lived in turkey i visited muslim mosques with friends on several occasions. when i did i covered my head because that’s what the women do there. i did it not because i agreed with islam but because i respected my muslim friends. i didn’t pray or change my faith or who i was to make them comfortable. wearing a headscarf didn’t change who i was. it honored the friends who invited me. if i hadn’t been comfortable wearing the scarf i wouldn’t have accepted the invitation to go.