Do not expect people to love you. Love them first. ~ Peter Dunov
I really like that. A friend once talked to me about my need to feel loved. She was trying to tell me that if I sought love and satisfaction from people I would always be disappointed. That I should seek God and only then would I truly feel loved. What she didn’t really know was that I was struggling with my sexuality. I felt loved. That was never the issue. I knew God loved me. I knew that my wasband loved me. My children loved me. My family and friends loved me. It wasn’t a lack of love. Not even close. It was more about accepting who I was. I even loved my flawed self. I wasn’t ever a suicidal wreck over who I was. I just couldn’t accept the idea that I was gay. I wasn’t disappointed in the way I felt. I just knew I wasn’t allowed to feel that way. I had to fix it. When I couldn’t fix it I begged God to fix it, because I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. I finally got tired of fighting the feelings. It wasn’t hard to accept who I was when I gave up fighting them.
I still feel loved. I have people in my life who have shown love to me over and over. My family, my children, Sweet Tea, and a few other friends who have shown love to me even after coming out. I am so thankful for them.
Just like being sunshine in people’s lives I want to love others well. I want them to know without a doubt that I love them with no expectations for love in return. When I give to others, whether that be love or time or something else, I always walk away feeling better.