Love

Do not expect people to love you. Love them first. ~ Peter Dunov

I really like that.  A friend once talked to me about my need to feel loved.  She was trying to tell me that if I sought love and satisfaction from people I would always be disappointed.  That I should seek God and only then would I truly feel loved.  What she didn’t really know was that I was struggling with my sexuality.  I felt loved.  That was never the issue.  I knew God loved me.  I knew that my wasband loved me.  My children loved me.  My family and friends loved me.  It wasn’t a lack of love.  Not even close.  It was more about accepting who I was.  I even loved my flawed self.  I wasn’t ever a suicidal wreck over who I was.  I just couldn’t accept the idea that I was gay.  I wasn’t disappointed in the way I felt.  I just knew I wasn’t allowed to feel that way.  I had to fix it.  When I couldn’t fix it I begged God to fix it, because I wasn’t supposed to feel that way.  I finally got tired of fighting the feelings.  It wasn’t hard to accept who I was when I gave up fighting them.

I still feel loved.  I have people in my life who have shown love to me over and over.  My family, my children, Sweet Tea, and a few other friends who have shown love to me even after coming out.  I am so thankful for them.

Just like being sunshine in people’s lives I want to love others well.  I want them to know without a doubt that I love them with no expectations for love in return.  When I give to others, whether that be love or time or something else, I always walk away feeling better.