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defining what’s real

Sometimes I wonder why people feel the need to make comments about others when they don’t know them.  Does it make them feel superior somehow?  There are also those people who make negative comments about people they do know despite the fact that they haven’t experienced the same life.  I received a somewhat negative comment on my last post from someone who I cannot identify.  I don’t know if I know them personally or if they are just someone who happened upon my blog.  It doesn’t matter to me really.  I’ve said all along that as long as the comments aren’t filled with profanity or mean spirited towards another person I will publish them.  One might argue that the comment wasn’t really that mean or could have been said in jest, but considering the post was about food and the comment was about being gay I think mean was what they were going for.

A blogging friend wrote this in a recent post.

How grand life would be if there was a clear road map, where all detours and roadblocks and traffic jams and treacherous winding mountain roads could easily be avoided. What I’ve come to realize is that there a world of nuance; each person’s path no more valid or worthy than another. There are women who are born lesbian, those who make a choice, those who dabble, those who identify as bisexual, those who come out late—those who live within a spectrum of subtlety. And, there are those, unfortunately, who will continue to struggle in their lives because they will never be able to find the way to break free and slip into the warm, enveloping, healing waters of that pool full of shades of grey.

I completely and totally agree with her views.  Who am I to discount anyone’s story?  Who am I to say that someone’s reality or experience isn’t worthy of being considered?  I don’t define what is real and what isn’t.

And if you want to read the full post you can visit here.




10 responses »

  1. ‘Sometimes I wonder why people feel the need to make comments about others when they don’t know them. Does it make them feel superior somehow? ‘

    Um why do you have a comments section on an online blog if you dont expect comments.I know you inside out having read many of your blog posts.

    Still to get answer btw from you (not mrs burly) , I though sexual attraction was genetic and not choice ?
    You cant reconcile faith with gayism too .. chalk and cheese no ?

    • “Bansy”….get a life!
      There is no need for you to hate on someone else’s blog. If you don’t like it, leave!
      There’s nothing more I despise than a pathetic,brainless fool that is macho behind a key board. I bet you wouldn’t have the nerve to be such an a&& in person? Or would you?
      Grow up.

      • Put a sock in it lady.Liberals like you jump at any chance of calling someone names , very tolerant discourse eh ? Shock horror that I had the gall to bluntly ….. .. um ask a question ! Grow the f up.

  2. Your threshold for mean is very low ! Grow some skin.

    • If I thought it was truly mean I wouldn’t have published it. And I am a thinker. I take in what people say to me and process what to do with it. I’ve thought a lot about your comment. Mostly I’m stumped about what to do. I do have some things written that explain more. Things that I don’t have here in order to protect others. I also have protected posts here that tell a small bit of my story. I’ll direct you to them if you’d like. I’d be happy to let you read any of that if it would make you feel better. I honestly don’t understand is what the problem is. Is it that I don’t qualify as gay in your mind because I was married for so long?

      • ‘Is it that I don’t qualify as gay in your mind because I was married for so long?’

        Yes.Like changing a tie half way through the day.The idea of feminine partnering the feminine is mindboggling to me , the complementary temperaments needed in a relationship that gays wont have and not to mention the similiar accessories ahem.I am interested in reading your protected ones if you dont mind.

        Miss Burly has an impish humour ironically.But I won’t be succumbing to her disarming smilieys that she litters her posts with.

    • Bansy,
      I think the thing that is being overlooked here is this… Natti never said she was straight. She simply (not that it was so simple) LIVED as a straight person.

      Her post on choices clearly stated just how difficult her decision to come out (not switch) was.

      Regardless of how tolerant our society is becoming, it is still difficult to live in this world being openly gay.

      If your argument is that she must be pretending to be gay because she was married, then it is equally possible that she was pretending to be straight while hiding that she was gay.

      Throughout history people have hidden who they are out of mere self preservation. And not just homosexuals. During the holocaust, if a Jew could hide their identity, they did. Muslims will deny their religious belief to avoid discrimination from uneducated bigots.

      So, if you know that the idea of losing your family, friends, livelihood and you could face possible physical abuse is a very real threat, you are inclined to take the easy road and hide.

      Problem is, we can only deny who we truly are for so long before we either give up or give in.

      Who she is, who she loves has no ill effects on you or anyone else. I don’t understand the belief system of the Amish. But I’m not going to attack them. I can’t wrap my head around the practice of arranged marriages, but it’s not my place to criticize. And I don’t subscribe to a vegetarians ideals that eating animals is wrong.

      Yes, these are all very different than homosexuality. But they have one key similarity. They revolve around what a person believes is an ingrained part of themself.

      She gets up, goes to work, pays her bills, goes to church, spends time with her kids, does laundry, watches sappy movies and misses the people she lost when she came out…. Kinda sounds like any other person alive, huh?

      The notion that two gay people together will destroy the straight family structure tells me that there’s a deeper problem in that straight family’s dynamic.

      So, while you may disagree with the lifestyle she has, attacking only puts a wedge between people.

      She has offered to allow you to read her private posts. In all fairness, after your attack on her (and yes, it did come across as an attack) that’s more than most would do.

      At the very least, respect the fact that she is trying to answer your questions and be civilized. As you’ve seen, that’s not everyone’s first inclination.

      As far as her growing skin? The thing that I admire most about her is her aversion to people being mean and hostile.

      It’s a quality more people should strive for.

      • ‘At the very least, respect the fact that she is trying to answer your questions and be civilized.’

        Where have I been anything but civilized ? Natalie has been cool so far , you on the other hand..

        You say gay people will not ruin the family structure.So I will ask you then.Say in the case of IVF , don’t you think it is selfish that to deny a kid the right to his biological mother and father ( excl death or some mishap).I think common sense will tell you that it is ?! Give me a yes or no.

        @Natalie I read your posts btw , good insight.I realised the exact moment you turned gay – nope not the genes at birth but it was when your mom asked you if you were gay as a kid.If she had just let that thought go unsaid you wouldn’t have been shocked (as you said you were) and would have moved on to chasing boys full time.That moment opened the door for you.. brought in confusion , forced you take a hard look at yourself and probably started looking at your gf in a new light.It’s psychology .. young minds are just clay waiting to be moulded.Sexual orientation has a lot to do with early environment.

  3. Ms. Burly, please.. I’m not married. I figure since we are nit picking details, I might as well throw my .02 in. 😉
    But, yay! I have a nickname that isn’t a foul word!! lol
    Natti, you’re the level headed, sweet one. I’m the irascible one. It’s the yin and yang that makes us work. 🙂

  4. I thought I’d track you down and leave a comment so you’ll have my link! And what an interesting place for me to jump in. I’ve found that the ONLY unkind comments I’ve ever gotten have been people hiding under anonymity. I don’t mean hiding names, which is understandable, but not leaving a blog link. So a piece of unsolicited advice (and please feel free to ignore it!) – don’t hand out the password to protected posts until you are certain someone is on your side.

    And another opinion, equally unsolicited – you have no obligation to explain how or when or why you discovered or became open with your sexual orientation. You are who you are. That’s plenty good enough.


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