Back in 2009, I wrote this…
I sit here and stare at this blank white box. So much is running through my head and heart. The words don’t come easily.
I feel like I am standing here. I’ve been here for a while now. Probably too long.
I guess standing isn’t exactly right. I think I’m sitting. It’s pretty here. I can look down each road and marvel at the sites. I catch glimpses of things unknown and wonder about them. Music calls to me from some far off place around the bend. Smells waft down the lane enticing me with their sweet aromas. It’s nice and cool here in the shade. So I sit and try to feed myself on things I can’t actually see or taste. I’m not satisfied, but at least I have the smells and the sounds around me. I crave them.
Except sometimes it feels more like this. During rush hour traffic. Horns blaring and exhaust fumes choking the air.
It’s the choices. Sometimes they scream out to remind me they are still there. They push and shove each other in their attempts to be noticed. They are tired of waiting. I pet them and talk pretty to calm them down. I promise them that I haven’t forgotten them. That one day very soon they won’t have to wait anymore. They retreat to the hidden corners of my mind satisfied with my love making.
It’s an emblem that can be political, but at the same time is a beautiful flower…a lily or an iris. It’s artistic and regal. It’s been on flags, coins, coats of arms, and in various artwork all throughout history. Old and new people groups have used it for various purposes which makes it meaningful and versatile. My favorite thing about it though is that it is often used on a compass rose to mark north. And if you know where north is you can’t ever get lost.
As I’ve taken this journey over the past 4 years, I’ve often found myself wondering which way I should go and I’ve thought about that picture. How it reminds me to look at my life’s compass. I’m no longer sitting still at the crossroads. I’m moving forward. Heading north.
Kaitlyn/lesbo commented on the post containing that picture saying that it would be a great tattoo. I’ve never forgotten that.