Something I wrote several years ago, but it still rings true about me today…
1. i am not a verbal processor. when i try to say what i am thinking before i have had a chance to think it through it comes out all wrong. i say what i don’t mean to say. my words might make some sort of sense to the person hearing them, but they aren’t ever what i mean. i have learned…most of the time…to keep my mouth shut until i know what i think and feel. sometimes i don’t, and i always say something stupid, make a mountain out of a molehill, hurt someone with my words, or embarrass myself. sometimes all of the above. shut up, natalie, shut up!
2. i am stubborn. if i don’t want to do it no amount of begging or bribing will change my mind. i might change my mind. my circumstances might change. my feelings about the thing i am being stubborn about might change. i might decide to do what i stubbornly said i wouldn’t. but there is nothing anyone else can do to make me change my mind. (i know…this isn’t really a good thing.)
3. i listen hard. – to people – i want to know what they are thinking. i ask that question of those close to me often. what are you thinking? and then i remember almost every word they say…replaying conversations in my head so i don’t forget them. (i do sometimes have trouble remembering what i say though…it usually seems trivial compared to what others have said to me) – to songs – i will listen to a song over and over just to hear the way the words go together. i look up the lyrics so i can be sure to understand what they are saying. and i wonder about the one singing the song. if they really feel the words coming from their mouth as much as i feel them as i hear them. – to life – in my own world some sounds have just faded into the background because i am so used to hearing them, but when i am away from my normal i hear everything. the birds, the wind, the sounds of life happening all around me. so i sit back and listen taking it in.
(i fully expect comments or emails from those who i have not paid attention to…not listened to. i know you are out there! and it wasn’t that you didn’t have something important to say…my mind was full? maybe…)
Midlife Natalie 