Today marks 5 months since Candied Jansen and I started officially dating. And dating seems like such a small word when I think about who we are and what we are actually doing. It is so much more than dating. We are living our lives committed to each other, but we aren’t actually living together yet. We are planning and preparing for that day though. We’ve talked about where we want to live, how the kids play into it all, and looked at finances. It is a reality that will be happening as the next year progresses. I love that. I love that we are making a plan. Everything might not go exactly like we plan, but the fact that we are thinking it through and not rushing into something just because we are ready to be together is a good thing. We are both of the mindset that this is forever. I love that I am so sure of her!
And now for the focus of this post…
In the 5 months that we’ve been together, we haven’t had an argument or fight. Not one. We have realized that there are some things we do differently though.
One example – Candied bought us tickets for a Lady Antebellum concert in May. The concert started at 7. Here is where our differences came into play. I hear that the concert starts at 7, and I automatically think we need to be there before 7 so we can be seated when it starts. Candied hears that the concert starts at 7 and realizes that the first act goes on at 7 and Lady Antebellum probably won’t be hitting the stage until closer to 9 so as long as we are there before that, it’s good. At no point did we discuss what time she was going to come pick me up…just that the plan was for her to pick me up. I was ready by 5:30 and waiting on her. I knew it would take about 45 minutes to get to the venue so as the minutes passed, I started getting a little anxious. She finally texted to let me know she was on her way, and I questioned what time the concert started, because I thought I must have had the wrong time. It was at this point that she mentioned her idea of when we needed to be there. She felt bad when she realized that I was a little anxious over being late and said she wished I had said something. I didn’t realize what she was thinking and she didn’t realize what I was thinking. It ended up not being a big deal at all, but it was interesting to me that neither of us had any clue what the other’s idea had been.
A couple of weeks later, we had plans to go see a roller derby bout. Candied remembered what happened with the concert so she let me know that the doors would open at 6, but that the bout didn’t start until 7:00, and she asked me what time I wanted to get there. I loved that she wanted to make sure that I wasn’t anxious about the time. We arrived sometime between 6 and 7, and it was fine. I loved that we worked through that and that it was done so naturally and respectfully.
When I lived overseas, I had to relax about time a little bit. I learned to do it, but it was hard. I’ll never forget the first time our neighbors invited us over for dinner. They said 7pm. We hadn’t been in the country long and were so excited to be invited into someone’s home. We were ready by 6:45, but since the trip to their place was literally walking out of our apartment door about 5 steps to knock on their door, we sat in the living room and waited. Our living room wall was a shared wall with said neighbors, and even through the thick concrete wall, I could hear vacuuming. 7pm came and we waited. When they were finally done vacuuming, I wanted to give them time to put the vacuum cleaner away, so we sat around a bit longer. Finally at around 7:45 we went next door. When the neighbor lady opened the door, she seemed legitimately surprised to see us there. The floor was wet, because she had just mopped it. The husband was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. They showed us to the living room and then went and changed clothes. I was somewhat embarrassed and wondered about the whole time thing. The other couple they invited didn’t show up until close to 10pm which is when we finally had dinner. By this point, my kids were tired and hungry, and we were ready to go home! I really appreciated their hospitality, but I learned an important lesson that day. Time was relative in that culture, and dinner was always late. It took some getting used to, but I managed to handle not stressing about those sorts of events most days.
Now that I’m back in the states and have been for almost as long as I lived overseas, I have reverted to my time sensitive ways. I hate to be late to things that have a specific starting time. Most of the time, I’m actually early. On regular school days, I am supposed to be at school by 8am. I rarely ever arrive after 7:30. If I have a doctor’s appointment at 2, I will be there by 1:45. I can’t help it. It’s just how I’m wired.
Candied Jansen and I have plans to fly to Cancun later this summer. I am a huge proponent of arriving at the airport at least 2 hours early for an international flight. I’ve flown too many times and missed too many flights because of security delays and whatnot to risk getting there late. And this time there are kids involved which means there are more of us to get ready. Candied’s gonna love me!
Midlife Natalie 