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feelings

I said in a recent blog post that Candied Jansen and I planned to get married in November.  That was the plan.  That is no longer the plan.  Things have been so stressful around here that it didn’t feel like the right time to get married.  Lately my job has really stressed me out to the point that there are moments that I can’t imagine continuing to teach after this year.  The thought of me not having a defined career path stressed Candied Jansen out.  I get it.  She is a planner.  She has a plan for her future as far as money and saving goes.  Me not having a job doesn’t really fit well with that plan.  My unhappiness at school has filtered into our home life and I haven’t been very happy or encouraging at home either.  My depression or frustration or stress wasn’t how she wanted to start a marriage.  It made sense to me.  We are still very much in love and plan to get married, but we both want it to be a happy occasion…not something we do at a particular time because we said we were going to do it.  It does make me sad that we’ve postponed it, because I am 100% sure that Candied Jansen is my perfect match but I do want it to be a happy, joyful thing.  Also, it makes sense, financially, for us to wait until 2016 to get married as well.  My house hasn’t sold despite being on the market since mid-July and that financial burden has been an added stress!  Being able to file as single instead of married on my taxes will help ease that burden some.

It’s crazy I think.  I am with the person I am meant to be with and crying all the time.  I should be so happy that I’ve found her and I am, but still I cry.  It drives me insane how easily the tears come!  I love her so much.  I am so thankful for her.

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