Life is for the living

I said I would write this summer and I haven’t.  Summer isn’t over yet, but it is quickly winding down.  I can’t believe how fast it has flown by.  Time seems to be doing that lately.  I know that as we get older, time seems to move faster.  I will be celebrating my 50th birthday in just 5 short days.  That baffles me.  How can I be 50?  I don’t feel 50 most days.  I’m not even sure what 50 is supposed to feel like.  I am, however, faced with the stark reality that my life is most certainly over halfway over.  And I can’t believe that.  I know we aren’t promised any certain amount of time and that life goes on long after we are no longer part of the living, but I look at my parents, children, and grandchildren and can’t even fathom not being with them.  I look back at my relationship with my grandmother.  She died back in 2008, and I couldn’t imagine life without her.  Life has gone on though, and I have many great memories.  They are so vivid and real that sometimes I feel like she would be at her house if only I would stop by for a visit.  I still miss her terribly, but I remind myself that if she were still alive today, she would be well over 100 which isn’t normal.  I see my parents aging, and I know that despite their pretty good health, they won’t be alive forever.  My dad recently said something about the very real possibility of not seeing one of his great grands grow to adulthood which makes sense but caused all kinds of feels in me.   So we all get older.  I hope to do it gracefully and with purpose.  I want to work on improving my health and strength so I can live well for however many days I have left.  That is my goal for the next year.  Hold me accountable!