I’m alone. I am sitting in my apartment all by myself. Nobody is expecting me to be anywhere or do anything for them for the next six hours. I have six hours of alone time. Wow.
I was thinking about the fact that I would have this unexpected alone time today. One would think that my alone time would have multiplied since I moved out of my house. Actually the opposite has happened. I wake up alone most mornings. I have about an hour by myself, but it is spent getting ready to go to work. I don’t have time to just enjoy being alone. After work I might go back to my apartment to change clothes, but it is just a quick in and out trip. After changing clothes I go to the house to spend time with the kids. When I lived there I could go to my room and close the door and be alone. Since moving out I want to make sure that I’m spending time with them when I am there. I cook dinner for them, watch TV with them, play games with them…whatever they want to do. Sometimes I pick them up and bring them back to my place where I cook dinner for them, watch TV with them, play games with them…again…whatever they want to do. They take turns spending the night at my apartment a few nights a week. I don’t have enough beds for all 4 of them so they usually come in twos. Sometimes I have a few minutes alone to get online or make a phone call when they are with me, either at their place or mine, but I am always with them. That is what I choose to do. When I am not with them or at work I spend time with Fleur de lis. Sometimes she comes to my place and sometimes I go to hers. We already don’t get to see each other nearly enough so any alone time I might have is completely reserved for her. That is what I choose to do. At the end of the day when I am finally back at my place and on the rare occasion that I am here alone all I want to do is sleep.
Today circumstances were such that other than a quick trip to help get kids where they needed to be this morning and another one later this afternoon I have nothing. A long extended period of nothing. The kids are busy. Fleur de lis is busy. And I’m not.
Wow. I forgot what this felt like.