Look it’s a post! Two in one week. Crazy!
I just wanted to thank all those who read here and commented or emailed. You guys are great! The funny thing about all of it is that I know I have friends. People have called, emailed, shown up at work, and left messages wherever they could to tell me they love me. I wasn’t complaining that nobody liked me. I just needed to step back from my social life some as I tried to figure out what I need. I need those friends. I need that social life. I just needed a break from all of it. After countless messages on facebook I finally posted a status update thanking everyone for being so great and letting them know I would be back. There are a few of those friends who I have no doubt will love me no matter what. Some of the others may have issues with my sexuality. I can understand if they do. Some of them may choose to admonish me over it all. Some may just write me off all together. It’s those last two that I’m not quite ready for. I don’t know if I am strong enough to handle a severe tongue lashing over my choice. I already had one from my sister. I handled it ok, but I’m not ready to have a line of people doing the same thing. I also know that there are new friends to be made. I can’t wait!
My parents debated how to handle our family Christmas celebration this year. My sister doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and has informed the family that she will not attend any event where I am invited. This posed a problem at Christmas as you can imagine. Normally my whole family gathers at my parent’s house on Christmas eve. We get together to share a meal and open presents that night. Later we all retreat to our own homes and have Santa and stockings the next morning. This year they decided to have the normal Christmas celebration sans me. I was fully supportive of this. I certainly didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. My kids attended with their dad. I also encouraged this. I didn’t want them to miss out on the fun. I will confess to a few tears over it, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Before anyone says anything negative about it all I have to say my parents are wonderful. They didn’t want me to miss out on Christmas so they decided that on Christmas day they would have a meal as well. This one was for me. Both of my brothers and their families were invited as well. I wasn’t sure if they would come since I hadn’t seen one of them since I came out. I didn’t know how he would react. When I arrived at the house my mom gave me a hug and started to cry. Of course that made me tear up as well. Then both brothers came. It was so nice to have that family time. I know my sister was missing. At one point we were joking at dinner, and I mentioned my sister. I was telling a story about something we had done when we were younger. I think it surprised my brothers that I could talk about her and be ok. I don’t like that she won’t see me, but I don’t hate her. I will always be available if she wants me in her life again. Always.