This morning I was talking with a friend on the phone. She was giving me a play by play on a cooking show she was watching on TV. Here’s how the conversation went.
Her: He’s putting bacon fat in this pot. What kind of pot is that? I’ve never seen a pot like that in my life. I want one.
Me: I don’t know. I am not watching TV.
Her: Now he’s putting onion, celery, and garlic in the bacon grease. That’s the Holy Trinity!
Me: The Holy Trinity? Hahahaha.
Her: No seriously. Don’t be laughing at the Holy Trinity. That’s sacrilegious.
Me: Oh ok then. I’m gonna go now. I need a shower.
Her: And now he’s putting fatback in the pan. Do you hear that sizzling? It smells so good!
Me: No, I’m not watching TV. Ok, going now…
Her: Now he’s adding cabbage. YUM!
At this point I get in the shower. I barely have time to get wet and my phone chimes. Then it chimes again. I wash my hair. It chimes again. After 5 chimes I finally step out of the shower to see who and what’s so important.
Her: He’s putting ANDOUILLE SAUSAGE in the cabbage!!! SCORE!
Her: AAANNNNDDDDDD…He’s making brisket in a pressure cooker. Oh mon Dieu!
Her: W/ garlic, carrots, mushrooms, celery, baby turnips, red potatoes in beef broth. Slap yo mama!!
Her: Next up…Granpa’s cornbread in a cast iron skillet.
Her: TURN ON CH 8…he’s plating!
Me: (trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard at “He’s plating!”) I’m in the shower! I finally got out to find out what was so exciting that my phone was blowing up. Now there’s a puddle of water on the floor.
Her: Yeah, it’s making me puddle, too!
Me: I was just thinking the same thing! Hahahahaha
Me: You might need a cigarette after that climax!
Her: Chil’ talk about good!
Her: Fo’ sure!
Me: All this food/sex talk is kinda turning me on. Now I need a cold shower.
Her: I need a pressure cooker.
Me: You’re killing me.