This morning I was talking with a friend on the phone.  She was giving me a play by play on a cooking show she was watching on TV.  Here’s how the conversation went.

Her:  He’s putting bacon fat in this pot.  What kind of pot is that?  I’ve never seen a pot like that in my life.  I want one.

Me:  I don’t know.  I am not watching TV.

Her:  Now he’s putting onion, celery, and garlic in the bacon grease.  That’s the Holy Trinity!  

Me:  The Holy Trinity?  Hahahaha.  

Her:  No seriously.  Don’t be laughing at the Holy Trinity.  That’s sacrilegious. 

Me:  Oh ok then.  I’m gonna go now.  I need a shower.

Her:  And now he’s putting fatback in the pan.  Do you hear that sizzling?  It smells so good!

Me:  No, I’m not watching TV.  Ok, going now…

Her:  Now he’s adding cabbage.  YUM! 

Me:  Bye

Her:  Bye

At this point I get in the shower.  I barely have time to get wet and my phone chimes.  Then it chimes again.  I wash my hair.  It chimes again.  After 5 chimes I finally step out of the shower to see who and what’s so important.

By text…

Her:  He’s putting ANDOUILLE SAUSAGE in the cabbage!!!  SCORE!

Her:  AAANNNNDDDDDD…He’s making brisket in a pressure cooker.  Oh mon Dieu!

Her:  W/ garlic, carrots, mushrooms, celery, baby turnips, red potatoes in beef broth.  Slap yo mama!!

Her:  Next up…Granpa’s cornbread in a cast iron skillet.

Her:  TURN ON CH 8…he’s plating!

Me: (trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard at “He’s plating!”) I’m in the shower!  I finally got out to find out what was so exciting that my phone was blowing up.  Now there’s a puddle of water on the floor.

Her:  Yeah, it’s making me puddle, too! 

Me:  I was just thinking the same thing!  Hahahahaha

Me:  You might need a cigarette after that climax!

Her:  Chil’ talk about good!

Her:  Fo’ sure!

Me:  All this food/sex talk is kinda turning me on.  Now I need a cold shower.

Her:  I need a pressure cooker.

Me:  You’re killing me.