I’m deep in thought right now. I feel the need to express myself, but the way that I am so good at doing so has been stripped from me somewhat.
Words. Anyone who knows me in person or who has read my blog for any length of time knows how important words are to me. The way a word or a string of words sound. The meaning behind certain words or phrases. Spoken or written. Words take me places. They paint pictures, create ideas, and evoke emotion. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. All of it is vital to me. To who I am.
In my life I have come across people who’ve abused words. They’ve tossed them around carelessly hurting others with venomous outbursts. They’ve made reckless promises they never intended to keep and foolishly spoke words they didn’t mean. I can’t say I’m completely innocent of these charges. I know there have been times in my life where I wasn’t as careful with what came out of my mouth. And I’ve made promises that I haven’t been able to keep. I can assure you that I was distraught over it. I’m sure we’ve all been there.
And now I’m here. In a place where talk is cheap. I’m not sure what to say when words don’t mean much. I feel silenced, and that breaks my heart.
They say that actions speak louder than words. I guess I need to learn to act more. And really, acting isn’t the hard part. I’m good at that. I have always been good at making sure people know what I mean by what I say and what I do. The hard part is knowing when to take the initiative and act without being worried that I’m doing something wrong somehow. That’s what needs to be overcome. The fear of initiating. The fear of rejection.