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How the kids found out

Ever since I told my oldest about being gay I knew it would only be a matter of time before I told the other kids.  I thought about when and how I should do that.  I decided that I would tell them while their dad was out of town on a two week trip, because since they were staying with me they wouldn’t be able to run home.  I didn’t want them to feel trapped here, but I did want them to have to think about it instead of running from it.  Well, those plans were not to be carried out.

One week before the wasband was scheduled to leave, my youngest was upset that I couldn’t do what she wanted me to do when she wanted me to do it.  I wasn’t even at home when she called to request my assistance.  Then when I didn’t just run right home to take care of what she thought she needed she came right out and asked me if Sweet Tea and I were dating.  She was blaming Sweet Tea for me not being at home.  Technically I was with Sweet Tea, but we weren’t out on a date or anything.  We had stopped to grab a bite to eat after running a necessary errand.  She kept saying “just tell me the truth mom”.  I felt bad, but I didn’t know if discussing it on the phone was the best idea.  I told her we could talk about it later, but she was having none of that.  She needed to know right that second.  I finally just said, “Yes, we are dating.”

And if you’ve read my blog before you know my prediction about how she would react to the news.  She completely met and exceeded my expectations.  She was already crying and she just hung up saying, “no, no, no” over and over.  It was horrific for me.  I wasn’t there.  I couldn’t talk to her.  I immediately texted my oldest to find out what was going on at the house.  She said that upon hanging up the phone my baby started screaming, “mom’s a lesbian”.  I guess that’s one way to let the cat out of the bag.  I texted the other kids to make sure they were ok and told them I would talk to them later.  They all seemed fine.

After work the next day I was able to talk to each one of them separately.  The oldest three seemed like they were handling it just fine.  The boys both said that they had suspected for a while, and while they didn’t necessarily agree with my choice they loved me and I was their mom and nothing would change that.  The youngest was upset and let me know it.  She listened to me and told me how she felt.  The conversation ended with her loving me but not supporting my decision.  I can live with that.

Since that day almost 3 weeks ago the kids have all been fine.  Mostly.  The oldest three have accepted me and Sweet Tea being a couple.  Since their dad was out of town they spent all of their time with me.  Because they were with me a lot they saw her a lot.  They seem perfectly ok with it.  The youngest has had a harder time of it.  She doesn’t like change, and this is a big one.  She takes a long time to get to know people, because she is always suspect of them.  She was that way with Fleur de lis.  She didn’t like her at all at first.  She never even knew we were dating, but she hated that I spent time with her.  Now she loves Fleur de lis.  I don’t know if she will ever love Sweet Tea.  I just want her to accept that she is part of my life.  I want her to respect her, because she is an adult.  I want her to see how happy she’s made me.  I think she sees that already.  I think she’ll come around in time.

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2 responses »

  1. Wow. I’m sorry that had to happen over the phone. I’m sure she will adjust but what a difficult thing. I have a patient whose daughter came out and the one who is having the most trouble, surprisingly, is the younger sister.

    Reply
  2. This is an older post, I know, but… I really don’t like this whole “choice” and “decision” thing. Do they really think you “chose” or “decided” to be gay?

    Reply

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