Awareness

Most days I’m busy enough to not think about it.  Most days.  This morning though I woke up at 6:30.  I had slept long enough, but because I’m out of town and in a strange bed I stayed in bed.  I didn’t want to disturb the others who were still asleep.  I eventually fell back asleep and that’s when the dreams came.  I always dream if I let myself go back to sleep, and most of the time I wake up disturbed.  This morning was no different.

I haven’t heard from my dad since September 22.  I sent him a text message 5 days ago telling him I was thinking about him and that I loved him.  He never responded.  So it’s been 17 days since he said he would talk to me in a few days.  The days keep passing with no word from him.  I am cognizant of that at all times, but when I’m busy that awareness is just there buried under the rest of my life.  But this morning it bubbled up. And I dreamed it all different kinds of ways.  All bad.

I’m still out of town.  A fun day is planned.  I need to get myself together.