I’ve mentioned that I wrote on a secret blog while I was dealing with the faith and sexuality issues I was having back in 2008 and 2009. Occasionally I go back to look for something on that blog which is what I was doing tonight when I came across this post. I thought I’d share it here.
Glimpses of Me
I mentioned before that life was sometimes quite overwhelming. Before I started this blog I would just write in a journal when I got to that overwhelming place. I always felt better after writing. Like my mind was full and transferring the thoughts from the place they occupied in my head to a piece of paper helped to declutter my mind. Helped me to think more clearly. I would just write whatever came to mind. The thoughts I’d held prisoner for so long were the words of my soul and they poured from my pen. Sometimes they were nothing more than words written down in incomplete sentences. Sometimes they were paragraphs of emotion, frustration, and acceptance. On extremely rare occasions I would let someone else be privy to my words, but it always made me nervous. Would they think I was losing it? Would they understand and empathize? Would they think I was just a silly, emotional girl?
I also wrote these words at that same time.
Emotion unimaginable
under the skin;
bone-deep, soul-piercing
words cry from within.
Thoughts not quite tangible
swim through my mind
making stops in my heart
hoping to find
a place of resplendence
a future with a past;
collecting and building
a place that will last.
Warm whisper memories
unspoken, unsung
unwritten, unvoiced,
untasted, undone.
I’ll never forget the emotions behind these words. I knew that I was missing something, but I didn’t know if I would ever have the courage it would take to speak, sing, write, voice, taste, and do. I’m so glad I did!
Midlife Natalie 