I have been sitting here staring at this white screen for a long time. It’s not that I can’t think of anything to say. There are words. I am so full of words that I could explode. They are everywhere I turn, splashing about and crying out for my attention, but try as I might, I can’t make them flow neatly in a line one after the other. Trying to tame my words is like trying to push the ocean through a straw. So I sit here feeling full. Warm. Waiting for the words to line up and spill over to this place.
Monthly Archives: February 2014
100 things
1. I was born in New Orleans.
2. I lived there until I was 7.
3. I went to Alice M. Harte Elementary School.
4. I have no idea who Alice M. Harte is/was.
5. I visited a Catholic church next door to the school when I was 6.
6. I went alone.
7. My best friend went to that church so I just followed her.
8. She didn’t know.
9. My second grade teacher’s name was Mrs. Catonese.
10. We called her Mrs. Cabbage Cheese.
11. Her twin sister taught at the same school.
12. I don’t remember her name.
13. I moved to Pearl River, La the summer I turned 8.
14. I went to Pearl River Junior High for grades 3-5.
15. Pearl River didn’t have an elementary school.
16. My best friend’s name was Bonnie Owen.
17. My last name was Owen, too.
18. Her mom’s name was Linda.
19. My mom was Linda, too.
20. We pretended like we were sisters all the time.
21. There was a boy in my class who liked to make the teacher cry.
22. She hid behind a newspaper so nobody would see.
23. There was another boy in my class named Dolan Crawford, and he liked me.
24. I liked Randy Butcher.
25. I joined the swim team because Randy was on it.
26. You only had to be able to swim across the entire pool to be on the swim team.
27. I hated swim meets.
28. Competitions where people have to watch me perform make me nervous.
29. I once had to swim the entire length of the pool and back all by myself, because the other teams were all done and I was the anchor on our team.
30. I almost refused to swim, because everyone would be watching me.
31. I also took baton lessons.
32. I was on a baton team called the High Steppers.
33. I marched in many Mardi Gras parades in my little outfit. I froze!
34. We moved to Houston the summer before 6th grade.
35. I started a real junior high and experienced culture shock.
36. Everyone wore Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.
37. I had no idea who Gloria Vanderbilt was.
38. My mom wouldn’t buy me any Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.
39. My dad did.
40. I wore my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans when I went back to Pearl River to visit.
41. Everyone there was wearing them, too.
42. I got glasses in 7th grade.
43. I sang The Rose as a duet with some girl in 7th grade choir. I don’t remember her name. Neither of us could sing well.
44. I was a library aide in 8th grade and got to keep any books they were getting rid of.
45. I collected a lot of books that way.
46. I played paper dolls with the girl who lived across the street from me in junior high. A lot!
47. After 8th grade we moved to Tomball.
48. I went to 9th grade at a 9th grade only campus.
49. I took agriculture for 3 days in 9th grade.
50. When I heard I had to raise an animal and show it in a livestock show I changed my schedule.
51. I took a dance class instead, and I loved it.
52. I passed out in the cafeteria lunch line and had to be taken out in a wheelchair.
53. I spent the night in the hospital, and they decided I was iron deficient.
54. I tried out for drill team at the end of my 9th grade year, but didn’t make it.
55. I was sick and throwing up during tryouts.
56. When try out time came around my 10th grade year the drill team director came and asked me to try out.
57. I made it.
58. I had a friend named Shannon who ate out every night for dinner.
59. I loved spending the night at her house, because we got to eat out.
60. Her parents were antique/art dealers so their house was the most eclectic place I had ever seen, and I loved it.
61. I got a hickey at church camp the summer after 10th grade.
62. The associate pastor’s son gave it to me.
63. I was highly embarrassed about the whole thing and wanted to wear a turtle neck in the summer.
64. I took driver’s ed with 3 other girls that same summer.
65. We were involved in an accident that totaled our car.
66. It was not our fault.
67. They made us drive again 2 days later. We were all scared.
68. My parents bought me a used white Toyota Corolla Tercel for my 16th birthday. It didn’t have power steering.
69. I drove it from Tomball to Amarillo when we moved that same summer.
70. Amarillo High School didn’t have a drill team which made me sad.
71. I dated a cowboy in 11th grade.
72. He’s now a chiropractor.
4. I have no idea who Alice M. Harte is/was.
5. I visited a Catholic church next door to the school when I was 6.
6. I went alone.
7. My best friend went to that church so I just followed her.
8. She didn’t know.
9. My second grade teacher’s name was Mrs. Catonese.
10. We called her Mrs. Cabbage Cheese.
11. Her twin sister taught at the same school.
12. I don’t remember her name.
13. I moved to Pearl River, La the summer I turned 8.
14. I went to Pearl River Junior High for grades 3-5.
15. Pearl River didn’t have an elementary school.
16. My best friend’s name was Bonnie Owen.
17. My last name was Owen, too.
18. Her mom’s name was Linda.
19. My mom was Linda, too.
20. We pretended like we were sisters all the time.
21. There was a boy in my class who liked to make the teacher cry.
22. She hid behind a newspaper so nobody would see.
23. There was another boy in my class named Dolan Crawford, and he liked me.
24. I liked Randy Butcher.
25. I joined the swim team because Randy was on it.
26. You only had to be able to swim across the entire pool to be on the swim team.
27. I hated swim meets.
28. Competitions where people have to watch me perform make me nervous.
29. I once had to swim the entire length of the pool and back all by myself, because the other teams were all done and I was the anchor on our team.
30. I almost refused to swim, because everyone would be watching me.
31. I also took baton lessons.
32. I was on a baton team called the High Steppers.
33. I marched in many Mardi Gras parades in my little outfit. I froze!
34. We moved to Houston the summer before 6th grade.
35. I started a real junior high and experienced culture shock.
36. Everyone wore Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.
37. I had no idea who Gloria Vanderbilt was.
38. My mom wouldn’t buy me any Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.
39. My dad did.
40. I wore my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans when I went back to Pearl River to visit.
41. Everyone there was wearing them, too.
42. I got glasses in 7th grade.
43. I sang The Rose as a duet with some girl in 7th grade choir. I don’t remember her name. Neither of us could sing well.
44. I was a library aide in 8th grade and got to keep any books they were getting rid of.
45. I collected a lot of books that way.
46. I played paper dolls with the girl who lived across the street from me in junior high. A lot!
47. After 8th grade we moved to Tomball.
48. I went to 9th grade at a 9th grade only campus.
49. I took agriculture for 3 days in 9th grade.
50. When I heard I had to raise an animal and show it in a livestock show I changed my schedule.
51. I took a dance class instead, and I loved it.
52. I passed out in the cafeteria lunch line and had to be taken out in a wheelchair.
53. I spent the night in the hospital, and they decided I was iron deficient.
54. I tried out for drill team at the end of my 9th grade year, but didn’t make it.
55. I was sick and throwing up during tryouts.
56. When try out time came around my 10th grade year the drill team director came and asked me to try out.
57. I made it.
58. I had a friend named Shannon who ate out every night for dinner.
59. I loved spending the night at her house, because we got to eat out.
60. Her parents were antique/art dealers so their house was the most eclectic place I had ever seen, and I loved it.
61. I got a hickey at church camp the summer after 10th grade.
62. The associate pastor’s son gave it to me.
63. I was highly embarrassed about the whole thing and wanted to wear a turtle neck in the summer.
64. I took driver’s ed with 3 other girls that same summer.
65. We were involved in an accident that totaled our car.
66. It was not our fault.
67. They made us drive again 2 days later. We were all scared.
68. My parents bought me a used white Toyota Corolla Tercel for my 16th birthday. It didn’t have power steering.
69. I drove it from Tomball to Amarillo when we moved that same summer.
70. Amarillo High School didn’t have a drill team which made me sad.
71. I dated a cowboy in 11th grade.
72. He’s now a chiropractor.
73. My mom asked me if I was gay my senior year of high school.
74. I said no and promptly went about finding a boyfriend.
75. I took a home and family living class and was given the assignment to go on a creative cheap date.
76. My friend’s dad had an airplane so he took 4 of us up for a ride for our date.
77. I don’t remember what else we did, but I’m pretty sure the gas for the plane wasn’t cheap.
78. I sang a duet with a friend in front of our church youth group my senior year of high school. I still couldn’t sing. My friend could.
79. My senior year, I skipped school, got caught, and was put in after school suspension for 3 days.
80. My boyfriend did something stupid so he could get put in after school suspension with me. He had longer to serve.
81. My best friend from high school often snuck over to my house after her mom was in bed.
82. I never snuck out because I was too scared I would get caught.
83. My roommate my last two years in college was the same high school best friend. There was no sneaking around.
75. I took a home and family living class and was given the assignment to go on a creative cheap date.
76. My friend’s dad had an airplane so he took 4 of us up for a ride for our date.
77. I don’t remember what else we did, but I’m pretty sure the gas for the plane wasn’t cheap.
78. I sang a duet with a friend in front of our church youth group my senior year of high school. I still couldn’t sing. My friend could.
79. My senior year, I skipped school, got caught, and was put in after school suspension for 3 days.
80. My boyfriend did something stupid so he could get put in after school suspension with me. He had longer to serve.
81. My best friend from high school often snuck over to my house after her mom was in bed.
82. I never snuck out because I was too scared I would get caught.
83. My roommate my last two years in college was the same high school best friend. There was no sneaking around.
84. She threw a brush across the room once because she was mad at me. I kinda deserved it!
85. I dated a cowboy wanna be in college.
86. He’s now a pastor.
87. After graduating from college, I taught fourth grade and hated it.
88. I quit and worked at Goldstein Miguel in Waco for a semester. Goldstein Miguel is no longer in business.
89. I got another teaching job teaching kindergarten in Coolidge, Texas. I was the only kindergarten teacher.
90. I stopped for a coke at a little country gas station everyday on the way home from work, and the owner asked me one of two questions.
91. Did you learn anything today or do you have to go back tomorrow?
92. Working hard or hardly working?
93. All of my kids were born in Texas, but none were born in the same city.
94. I stopped teaching when my second child was born.
95. Someone else picked out our apartment in Turkey.
86. He’s now a pastor.
87. After graduating from college, I taught fourth grade and hated it.
88. I quit and worked at Goldstein Miguel in Waco for a semester. Goldstein Miguel is no longer in business.
89. I got another teaching job teaching kindergarten in Coolidge, Texas. I was the only kindergarten teacher.
90. I stopped for a coke at a little country gas station everyday on the way home from work, and the owner asked me one of two questions.
91. Did you learn anything today or do you have to go back tomorrow?
92. Working hard or hardly working?
93. All of my kids were born in Texas, but none were born in the same city.
94. I stopped teaching when my second child was born.
95. Someone else picked out our apartment in Turkey.
96. We loved it so much we never moved the entire 7 years we lived there.
97. That was unheard of and the longest I’d ever lived in one place.
98. I hate bananas and maple syrup with a passion.
98. I hate bananas and maple syrup with a passion.
99. I went back to teaching after 15 years away. The job completely changed!
100. I often forget that I’m 44 years old.
Edit…my dog was trying to enjoy my company while I was typing this and my eyes were crossing from the lack of sleep last night. I tried to proofread and wasn’t able to concentrate on it. Since opening it back up, I’ve found two mistakes. I’m sure there are more! Enjoy!
Spilling secrets
Last night I went on a second date. That’s right…I completely left you people out of the loop about the first date. A girl’s got to have a few secrets! But now that there’s been a second date with talk of more, I have decided to fill you in on my little secret.
I “met” this girl in the summer of 2011 while she was working overseas. Our relationship centered around scores of emails back and forth which were amazingly long and detailed. I loved getting to know her that way. As you guys already know, I am a words person, so to read her words was the perfect beginning to our friendship. By the time she came back from her assignment, I had started dating my ex so she and I became Facebook friends and that was how it stayed until last week.
Last week, after a couple of random Facebook comments shared between us, she messaged me to let me know that she was interested in meeting me and asked if I wanted to meet her for dinner. Of course I did! She drove over to my part of town and we finally got to meet in person! Yay! She was absolutely, perfectly sweet! I loved watching how she treated others. The man at the bar who was chatty, the couple who gave us their seats when they got up to leave, and I’m pretty sure our waiter, Brian, was enamored with her as well, because he kept coming by to talk and only had eyes for her. It was somewhat adorable!
Because our plans were hastily thrown together at the last minute, we only did dinner, but we were there a long time. We talked and talked and talked. Hours and never a lull in the conversation.
After we parted ways, we texted several times to say how much we enjoyed the evening and made plans for date number 2, one week later.
She invited me to her place for dinner and a movie. She cooked delicious grilled shrimp and veggies and even fixed my plate which I loved. She had three different types of wine, and I tasted them all. She even bought Diet Coke for me despite the fact that she doesn’t drink soda herself.
Her movie choice was extremely brilliant and thoughtful. The Words. I had never seen it, but she thought I would enjoy it since it is about a writer and the love of words. It was really good.
I finally left her place at 1:15 in the morning. Seven hours after I arrived. We were together for 7 hours! And we talked and talked and talked. Hours and never a lull in the conversation. Except for when she kissed me. Of course.
After I got home in the wee hours of the morning, we spent time texting. I guess we weren’t done talking. We’ve texted back and forth off and on today. More words. And plans have been made for Friday night and for a weekend in the future. I can’t wait!
Since I’m writing about her here, I needed to give her a name. After much thought, I’ve decided to call her Candied Jansen. Candied because she is so sweet. And Jansen because it was the name of the writer in the movie and it makes me smile. It’s a good name. It fits.
Hope is the thing with feathers…Emily Dickinson
Ms. Johnson says everybody has a story. She said some of us are afraid to tell ours and that’s why when it comes time to write something, we say we have writer’s block. Ms. Johnson says there’s no such thing as writer’s block. She said it’s just your mind saying to your body, I ain’t trying to write that jive. Everybody laughed when she said it like that because, mostly, Ms. Johnson speaks proper.
“Then what does your mind want your hand to write?” Ms. Johnson asked the class.
Trevor was tracing the letters on his desk. Rayray was staring out the window. I looked down at my blank paper, my pencil in my hand and my hand and mind real still and quiet.
“Frannie?” Ms. Johnson looked at me.
I shrugged, “A story?”
“Maybe,” Ms. Johnson said. She walked slowly over to Rayray and turned his head gently toward the front of the room. She walked over to Trevor, lifted his pencil out of his hand.
“If the story is the truth,” Ms. Johnson said.
“But that’s nonfiction then, ” somebody said.
“The truth is in your heart. My daddy says we all have a truth in our hearts.”
It was the Jesus Boy speaking. He even surprised Ms. Johnson. But she tried to hide it by smiling.
“Exactly,” Ms. Johnson said. “Write what your heart tells you to write.”
We all looked around the room at each other. Nobody said anything.
“My heart’s not saying anything,” Rayray said. He slumped down in his chair. “I hate this.”
Ms. Johnson walked back to the front of the room. “Think of a day in your life,” she said. “Any kind of day–where something big happened or nothing at all happened. Something important or something just regular, like you ate a sandwich while watching cartoons. Anything. Just try to write down every single detail you can remember about it.”
—————————————————————————————-
I looked down at my paper. There were a million days in my head, all of them marching all over each other. All of them coming from my heart and feeling like my heart-truth. I didn’t have the slightest idea where to begin. There were all kinds of thoughts swirling around in my head and it felt like the whole class dropped away and disappeared and all that was left was me and my pen and my paper and the whole wide world spinning around me. I felt dizzy with all those thoughts, had to put my head down on the desk.
“Frannie, are you okay?” I heard Ms. Johnson asking. Her voice sounded like it was coming from real far away.
I nodded into my arm but didn’t lift my head. “I don’t even know what the first line to write would be,” I said.
“Begin at Frannie’s beginning,” Ms. Johnson said.
—————————————————————————————————-
From the book Feathers by Jacqueline Woodson
I love children’s literature.
Midlife Natalie 