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many things

There are so many things I need to write about here.  So many things I have feelings about.  I just am having a hard time putting those feelings and thoughts into words that make sense.

We bought a house and moved in.  We both love our house.  Candied Jansen said the house already felt like home to her with no adjustment period at all.  I agree.  It feels like we belong here.  We still have boxes in the garage and a few left in the house, but it is coming along.  My goal of being able to park in the garage by the new year doesn’t look like it will be met.  We have some holiday obligations over the next ten days that are gonna keep us from working on it much.  That’s ok.  I look forward to the friend and family time!  Finishing the garage will just have to be a New Year’s Resolution!

My grandmother died last week.  She was my last living grandparent, and it was an emotional day.  My girls and I drove to Arkansas to attend the funeral and see family that I hadn’t seen in over 10 years!  Some of them I’d never met!  It was nice to gather together to celebrate my grandmother’s life.  She had 5 kids, 16 grandkids, 27 great grandkids (with more on the way) and 2 great greats.  Add to that the spouses and there were close to 70 family members down the line from her.  The hardest part was seeing my mom cry.  When she cried, I cried and when I cried, my daughter cried.  We were a blubbering mess.

The day after the funeral, we took a trip to the little town my parents grew up in.  On the way, we drove by the farm that my mom’s parents owned until I was in high school.  The house seemed so small compared to what I remembered.  The old barn was still standing which surprised me because I thought it was so old way back then!  We visited my other grandmother’s grave.  She died in 2008, and I miss her so much.   The cemetery is just down the road from her house, so growing up I visited it every time I was in town.  I liked looking at all the old headstones and markers.  I had several relatives buried there, but I hadn’t ever had the chance to meet any of them.  dsc04235My grandfather died in 1964 and the headstone had his name and birth and death years on it.  It also had my grandmother’s name and her birth year carved in it.  I remember distinctly rubbing my hands over the smooth place where her death year would one day be carved.  I took this picture the day before her funeral.  I wanted to get one last look at the undisturbed spot and headstone I loved as a child.  img_3016This trip was the first time I’d been back since her funeral.  I took one look at her headstone and burst into tears. I hadn’t thought about the reality of her headstone being different from what I knew.  I hate that it took me 8 years to get back here.

So many more things to say, but I’m so tired.  They will wait…


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