Author Archives: midlifenatalie

I got the job!!!!  I am beyond excited about that!  I could barely breathe after I got off the phone with the principal.  She said she called all my references and got glowing reports about me.  YEA!!!!  I LOVE glowing reports!  She wants me to start on Monday.  She was going to call the HR department and see if they could process me that quickly.  I’ll either get a call from them or from her this afternoon to let me know for sure.  Either way though…I got a job!  I start next week.  Yippy, skippy, doo!!!!!

I’m too tired to write part 2 of my story tonight, but I did want to write a quick little update about the teaching job.  The principal called me today to ask for the phone numbers of my references.  I hadn’t put any on the application which I explained in my interview.  At the time I filled out the application Panera didn’t know I was applying for another job.  I was worried about jeopardizing my job by giving them the phone number.  (Turns out I was right to think that!)  Today I was able to give the principal 4 references, 3 from Panera and 1 from my principal at my last school, 15 years ago.  Calling my references…that’s a good thing.  I don’t know if I will hear something tomorrow or not.  Last Friday she told me she wanted to make a decision by tomorrow, but when I talked to her today I didn’t ask her if that was still the case.  I figured I could give her a few more days to make a decision.

After I got off the phone I did a cartwheel in the backyard.  Not so much because I almost have the job though.  My youngest challenged me to a cartwheel contest to see who could do the better cartwheel.  She’s 10, but I’m limber.  I’m also 40.  I felt every bit of those 40 years as I turned myself upside down.  My right thigh muscles pulled tight and my wrists hurt a little when it was over.  I should have stretched, and I’m not used to holding my weight on my hands!  But I won!  She may be 10, but she sucks at cartwheels!  I could have totally kicked her cartwheeling ass when I was her age!  As it is I did the full cartwheel without losing my balance too much.  She totally fell over at the end of hers.  HA HA!  I won!

I’ve debated sharing my story with the readers here.  I just don’t know where to start.  I have been writing blogs for a few years now and bits and pieces of my story have been shared on all three of them.  Since this is my main blog now I thought I would do a series of posts explaining how I got to where I am today.

Part 1

In 2002 my husband, kids and I moved overseas.  We were missionaries.  I hesitate to use that word, because we lived in a place where it was illegal to be a missionary.  Because of that my husband also had a real job as a consultant for a company there.  Living and working in another country was hard.  Our kids went to local schools at first so they could learn the language and some culture.  Later we transferred them to an international school.  While we were there we had an amazing group of friends.  Because we left all our family our friends stepped in and were our family.  We could depend on them to really be there for us.  I haven’t ever experienced anything like that here in the states.  After 4 years and 3 months overseas we were scheduled to come back to the states for a 7 month stay.  I was nervous.  I couldn’t imagine leaving my friends.  I had taken a couple of trips to the states during our 4 years overseas, and life here was different.  People seemed to be more wrapped up in themselves and their activities.  They didn’t seem to take the time to really invest in others.  I say that, but then I stop and think.  I do see groups of friends who exhibit similar behaviors to what I experienced overseas.  More often than not those friends have known each other for years.  More on that later.

So it was time for us to come back to America.  I was nervous.  I knew that I would most likely not experience the level of intimacy between friends in America that I had in my overseas home.  I knew that after my 7 months in the states I would be returning to a place where things had changed while I was gone.  My two closest friends were also leaving.  They wouldn’t be there when I returned.  Things wouldn’t be the same.

After arriving in the states in June and experiencing a whirlwind of a summer our family slowly fell into a routine.  Kids went to school, we went to church, life happened.  We did make some friends who really invested in us.  They tried to take us in and be family.  There were a few quirks because our kids weren’t in the same school district as theirs, but overall things were great.

In the meantime we got news that one of our friends overseas had made some life-changing decisions.  He decided that he no longer believed in God.  This man was a missionary.  He and his wife and their 3 kids were from Great Britain.  I couldn’t believe that he was brave enough to make that kind of decision.  And that is the word that came to mind.  Brave.  It bothered me that I saw it that way.  I wondered how his family was coping with it.  I knew that because of his decision they would have to return home.  I thought about all of this quite a bit over the few months I had left in the states.

Slowly but surely January rolled around, and it was time to head back overseas.  I didn’t even question whether I was ready to go back.  If I even wanted to.  It was time so I went.  Life immediately was hard.  I expected this.  I had been warned that the first time you go overseas you enter a honeymoon sort of phase.  Things are different and strange, but oh so very exciting.  The second time it doesn’t happen that way.  You remember the hard times and know what it takes.  There is no honeymoon phase.

Stay tuned for Part 2…

Parts 2-4 have been written and password protected.  There are a couple of things I decided needed to be a little more private.  If you would like the password just email me at midlifenatalie at aol.com, and I’ll send it to you.  Thanks.

What I hope to be a quick update…

I went and observed at the school on Friday.  It was exactly the type of school I want.  Poor families, disadvantaged kids, and teachers and volunteers who could be at bigger, better schools but feel at home at this one.  Sign me up!  I think my day of observing went well and that I have a pretty good shot at the job.  I know there was one other candidate who observed last week as well, and there might be one or two observing this week.  The principal said that she hoped they would make a decision by Friday.  I think there are a few things in my favor.  1.  my age.  I don’t plan on this being a stepping stone to a better job.  Many young teachers start small and move to bigger school districts.  I have absolutely no desire to do that.  2.  I’ve taught in a school very similar to this one.  I could answer questions based on what I knew from that experience.  3.  Living overseas and doing missionary work.  I approached the job with a learners posture.  I expressed a desire to learn about the community and the kids from those who knew them best…the staff at the school.  I didn’t come in with all the answers.

We’ll see.

I also quit my job at Panera.  I went to work on Monday and Tuesday then decided that I couldn’t take doing that every day.  Part of it was a pride thing I must admit.  On Monday I took the new girl around and introduced her to some of my clients.  When I was asked what I was doing now I told them that I was looking for a teaching job, but that I would be at the store for a while if they needed anything.  I was pleasant and gracious about the whole thing.  The poor girl who took my place felt bad about it all.  She didn’t realize that it was a big secret at first.  When she came to interview for my job she thought I had actually given notice.  I was fine the whole day Monday.  My boss thanked me for helping out.  On Tuesday I had a hard day.  All I could think about was how sneaky they had been.  The new girl and the girl who trained her were told not to tell me.  They both hated it but needed to keep their jobs so they went along with it.  My boss wasn’t the one who made the decision, but she could have gone to bat for me.  She could have at least told the district manager that I wasn’t one of those employees who would sabotage things before I quit.  I was mad when I arrived.  I was asked a million questions about delivery charges and how to get to different clients.  I was asked to train a new guy for an associate job.  The more I did the more I fumed.  I took 2 deliveries, because there were too many for the new girl to do alone.  At one point my boss passed around some papers with our cultural values on it.  We are about to be audited by the corporate office and might be asked to recite some of the values of our store.  Number one just about made me flip my lid.  It said, “No jerks.  We will treat each other with respect and honesty.”  I had done exactly that.  Out of respect for them I was honest about the interview.  I was not treated the same way at all.  I decided that I needed to take a day off.  On Wednesday I called in sick.  The more I thought about going back the more I dreaded it.  That evening I went in and talked to my boss.  I told her that I had the observation at the school on Friday and that I wouldn’t be back.  I told her that I hated not giving her 2 weeks notice, but that I didn’t feel like I had been afforded the opportunity.  If I don’t get the teaching job I will need to use my days to find another job.  There are other teaching jobs out there, but I haven’t applied for any of them.  I hope I don’t have to.

And yes…I totally cracked myself up with the title of this post!

Remember that overly paranoid thing I mentioned a couple of posts ago?  The part about how I was worried about losing my job?  Well it happened.  Guess I wasn’t being overly paranoid after all.

On Saturday I picked my daughter up from work.  She happens to work as a cashier at the same place I was catering manager.  While I was there my boss told me she wanted to talk to me.  She said that starting Monday I was being demoted to associate.  The same position I had when I was hired back in April.  The same position my 17 year old daughter currently has.  She said that the girl who interviewed for my job, the same girl I saw training at another store a few days after her interview, that girl was starting Monday as the new catering manager.  Since I had interviewed for another job they knew I wasn’t committed to the catering job, and they wanted to put someone in the position who was going to stick around for a while.  The funny part is the girl they hired for the job has worked for our company three times.  She’s quit and returned twice.  I guess she plans to stay this time.

I must admit that I was upset at first.  I certainly didn’t deserve to be demoted.  I have busted my ass for this company.  I’ve gone above and beyond for them time and time again.  I do understand their position.  I understand the need for a committed person in the job.  What bothered me was the way they went about the whole thing.  I hadn’t even had my interview when she came in to interview for my job.  My boss led me to believe that I wasn’t going to lose my job just because I had an interview somewhere else.  I told her that if I got the teaching job I would give her two week’s notice before I left.  It was the right thing to do.  And while I was ready to do the right thing they trained the new girl in another store for a week then gave her my position instead of bringing her in to train with me.  A week and a half after I was honest with them about having an interview I was demoted.

My boss told me that she would appreciate it if I would help the new girl this week.  Go with her on the deliveries to introduce her to the customers.  Help make the transition a smooth one.  I honestly couldn’t believe she was asking me to do that as an associate.  That’s what I should have done during her training.  She should have gone with me.

I will go with her.  I will be kind and gracious.  I will continue to work hard.  Because that’s the kind of person I am.  And if I am offered the teaching position I will take it.  And I will start as soon as they need me.  The one thing I’m not going to worry about doing is giving them two weeks’ notice.  They gave me 41 hours’ notice that I was demoted.  If I hadn’t gone in on Saturday I wouldn’t have gotten that much.

Tomorrow should be fun.  I’m actually looking forward to it in a strange sort of way.  I won’t say a negative word about anyone I can assure you, but watching the reactions of others will amuse me.

Before I moved back to the states I wrote a post on my former blog about the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.  I thought I would share that here since it’s just about to be Rodeo season.  I love the rodeo!

April 2008 –

Something I am looking forward to when I get back to the states is the rodeo. I haven’t been in years, and I can hardly stand it. Every time we have gone back to the states for a visit we’ve not been there during rodeo season. We even lived there for 7 months, but left a month and a half before the rodeo started. And yes…rodeo is a season in Houston. There’s Thanksgiving, Christmas, then rodeo. The next big thing after Christmas is The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, and it is a major production. I just missed it when I was home for my grandmother’s sickness and funeral. I plan to be a full participant next year. March 3-22, 2009. I will be there.

Oh yeah…and I want a truck.

And some boots.

But I don’t have to have them to attend the rodeo. Well, the boots would be nice, but a truck isn’t mandatory.

I did get to attend the rodeo that year.  I had a hard time finding someone to go with me, and had all but given up on getting to go.  My sister saved the day with free tickets.  After seeing it again I convinced Ross to go one more time just to give the kids the rodeo experience.  

Ah…the sights, the sounds, the smells.  What can I say?  I may have been born in Louisiana, but I got to Texas as fast as I could!  

(Of course spending summers at my grandpa’s farm in Arkansas had a huge impact on my loving farm animals as well.)  

(I actually didn’t have anything to do with moving to Texas.  I was only 10 when my dad was transferred here.  I was just along for the ride.  They made me come!)  

(I also have fond memories of Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  I’m craving King Cake just thinking about it.)  

(And then there’s Turkey.  Cay and baklava for everyone!)  

(You can’t put me in a box!)

Today I am at the house.  The house I moved out of in October.  One of the kids is sick, and I decided to stay here with him today.  

Can I just say that this place is disgusting!  Seriously.  I honestly don’t see how they can stand it.  I know Ross works all day and the kids have school, but still…it’s not that hard to do some of the stuff that isn’t getting done.  I practically filled up a tall kitchen garbage bag with junk mail and empty food boxes from the pantry.  How hard is it to throw away the poptart box when you get the last package of poptarts out of it?  There were cups and glasses scattered around the house as well.  Sticky spills on the counter and table, throw pillows thrown on the floor, dirty socks in almost every room, bathrooms that don’t look like they’ve been cleaned in ages, and more.  

Most days I go to the house in the morning to see the kids before work and school.  I usually take my youngest to daycare on my way to work.  After work I go back to the house.  I spend time with the kids, fix dinner, run any errands they might need, and then go to my apartment in the evening.  Many times a kid or two come with me to spend the night.  I’m still not making them come over or stay at my house.  I have room for everyone to sleep there now, and they have all stayed the night quite a bit.  I don’t want to force them to sleep in beds that really aren’t theirs yet.  The apartment doesn’t feel like home to them, and for now I am ok with that.  I knew that the transition would be hard so me spending time with them in the house is my way of still being home with them in the afternoons.  

On Monday I didn’t do much in the way of picking up when I was at the house.  I made dinner, watched tv with the kids, and just hung out.  I decided to leave a little earlier than usual because I wanted to get some laundry done.  I didn’t even go upstairs until I was just about ready to head back to my apartment.  You should have seen the pile of clean laundry on the floor in the loft!  It was overwhelming!  I decided that I would do laundry at the house the next day.  On Tuesday the kids and I spent quite a bit of time folding the clean clothes.  I also sorted the dirty clothes and managed to get 2 loads washed before I headed home.  On Wednesday I washed the last of the laundry.  When it was time for me to go there was a load in the drier and one in the washer.  I reminded them to finish it up for me when they got home.  Thursday I ended up going out after work so I never made it to the house.  Two of the kids were going to my sister’s for the afternoon/evening so I figured it was a good day to be out.  This morning I get to the house and find one of those loads on the floor in the loft and the other still in the dryer.  At least they were both dry.  I don’t even think that would have gotten done if there hadn’t been puke clothes that needed washing last night.  

Sometimes I pick up and clean when I am at the house and sometimes I don’t.  The kids all have chores that they are responsible for every day.  The boys are good about doing theirs most days, but the girls have to be reminded.  Part of me feels guilty that I’m not making sure that things are clean and neat all the time.  I just get aggravated that things don’t stay neat after I pick them up.  I understand that there will always be dirty laundry, and dirty dishes, and spills to wipe up.  Bathrooms will need cleaning again, trash will have to be gathered and taken out, and dust will accumulate in places I just dusted.  That type of cleaning is ok.  I don’t mind doing it most of the time.  I also understand that from time to time there will be clutter to deal with.  I don’t have a problem with that.  It’s the consistent disregard for the clutter and dirt that drives me crazy.  It’s the lack of care that everyone else seems to have about the condition of this house.  

And before I go I must admit something.  Before I left I got lazy when it came to picking things up.  So much else was overwhelming that chores definitely took a back seat.  But even in my laziness I never let the house get this gross.  Never.

Confession…I wrote this post over most of the morning.  I had a hard time concentrating on what I was saying.  Why you ask…well I kept getting up and cleaning stuff.  The sad part is you can barely tell I’ve done anything.  Sigh.

The reason my boss asked me if I was giving my two weeks’ notice is because she’s lost several long term employees to higher paying jobs lately.  A very reliable morning opener who had been with the company for 5 years had recently gone on to a better job.  She was already beginning to stress over losing some good people when a girl who had been with the company for 2 years gave her notice that morning so I think she was worrying a bit.  When she heard me say I needed to talk to her about something her mind automatically went there.  She really didn’t think that I wanted to give notice, but I opened my big mouth and told her about my interview.  

Since that day I have talked to her, and I think she’s ok.  She says that she doesn’t think I’ve given notice and that as far as she’s concerned I’m not going anywhere.  That being said the girl who came in to interview for my position is currently being trained at another store.  From what I understand she’s just training for management not catering, but I’m not sure what I think about that.  It did make me a little nervous.

And finally…I got a call from the school I interviewed with.  They want me to come out and observe one day next week.  I was somewhat surprised to tell you the truth.  I knew my interview went well, but I just assumed there were better qualified applicants for the job.  There may be.  They may be observing one day as well.  We’ll see.  I am reservedly excited if that makes any sense at all.

Edited to add…

This morning I ended up needing to stay home to take care of a sick kid.  103 temperature, throwing up with diarrhea kind of sick.  I called my boss who was quite pleasant.  Like she didn’t care that I wasn’t coming in.  Totally not the reaction I would normally get.  Either I am being overly paranoid or I desperately need a teaching job and fast!

Last week I applied for a teaching job.  It was a rather unexpected event to tell you the truth.  I knew that I might need to move back into teaching in the fall.  I knew that I would need more money to support myself.  I decided to check into some job fairs that many school districts have in the spring.  When I looked at one of the area school district’s website I noticed that they had an opening for a kindergarten position.  I debated applying but decided that it wouldn’t hurt to send in my application.  That was done last Sunday.  Monday afternoon I got a call about an interview for later in the week.  I wasn’t sure what to think.  I wasn’t sure what to tell my current employer.  I decided not to say anything because the chance of me actually getting the job was pretty slim, and I certainly didn’t need to cause my employer to stress out.  On Wednesday my boss made some comment about me turning in my 2 weeks notice.  I wasn’t sure if one of the two people I had confided in had mentioned my interview to her or not.  I explained what was going on, and she freaked.  She was totally joking when she said what she said about me giving her two weeks notice.  I told her that I wasn’t really looking…that I just had the one interview.  That in the fall I would probably need to do something that offered more benefits.  I think she would have handled it okay, but the district manager happened to visit.  She didn’t handle it well at all.  She kept telling me that I could make the same amount that the teaching job offered at my current job.  She is right.  I could make the same amount.  The difference is that word…could.  Teaching I will make that amount.  I will have a number of sick days.  I will automatically have vacation days for Spring Break, Christmas, and Thanksgiving.  There will be retirement benefits as well.  I don’t have any of those things where I currently work.  If I want to take a vacation I won’t get paid.  If I am sick or one of my kids is sick and I miss work…no money.  I do have insurance but no retirement.  I love my job.  I really do, but I know that I won’t be able to support myself on it for long.  I can’t continue to live paycheck to paycheck.  I have to be saving some money.  On Friday I had to leave work early.  About 15 minutes before I left a girl showed up to interview for my position.  I couldn’t believe it.  It really stressed me out!  I didn’t have a chance to talk to my boss about it then, and she is on vacation until tomorrow.  I have no idea what will happen.  I don’t think they will do anything crazy, but at this point I’m not sure.  I won’t be fired.  I know that much for sure.  I just don’t want to be demoted.  Even if they keep me at the same pay scale I will lose my insurance.  I won’t have the extra money that comes with my job.  I need every bit of what I make.  

As far as the teaching job goes…I interviewed.  I felt like it went well.  I know for a fact that at least one other person interviewed for the job.  We passed in the parking lot.  On the interview table I saw 3 folders similar to the one they put my information in.  So I am guessing that there were 4 of us interviewing that day.  After the interview I asked the principal when she was going to make a decision.  She said it would be a couple of weeks.  That tells me that more people will probably be interviewing.  I have no idea what my chances are.  I haven’t had a teaching job in 15 years.  I thought the interview went well.  I don’t know Spanish which would be an asset.  I’ve lived overseas and experienced different cultures which seemed to impress the panel.  I have absolutely no idea which way this will go.  I really wouldn’t care so much about not getting the job if I hadn’t said anything to my boss.  As it stands now I am going to be a little stressed until I talk to her.  Hopefully that will be tomorrow.   Hopefully after talking to her I will feel better and not worse!

In my last post I mentioned my sister.  I decided that it was only fair to her to give you her reasons for the choice she made.  It wasn’t an easy decision.  It wasn’t a decision based on her feelings about me.  She wasn’t disgusted with the thought of me being with another woman.  Her decision was based solely on what she, as a christian, felt like the Bible was instructing her to do.  Here is the passage she used to explain it to me.

1 Corinthians 5:9-13

9 When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. 11 I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer[j] yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.

   12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. 13 God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”

Being gay is a sexual sin according to the Bible.  I am a believer.  I truly believe that my sister would put a drunkard or a abusive person in the same category as a homosexual.  She doesn’t consider the sin more offensive.  What is offensive to her is the fact that I’ve heard the truth of the Bible.  I’ve believed that truth.  I’ve even gone out and told others about it.  And now I am willingly choosing to go against what I’ve known to be true.  

I don’t want people to think that my sister is a mean and hateful person.  She isn’t at all.  She has convictions.  She lives by them.  I also don’t want to hear the age old argument about the Bible mentioning foods you are supposed to avoid or stoning people for their sins.  I absolutely hate when people use these Old Testament passages to try to plead their case.  I don’t feel like getting into a theological argument…just know that I’ve heard it all before.  Those arguments don’t hold water when used alongside the New Testament scriptures.  

So I’m sure you wonder how I could choose this.  And I did choose.  When I made the choice to act on the feelings I was having all those many months ago something happened in me.  It counted.  It mattered.  It was as natural as breathing to me.  Despite all that I came away from that experience in a fog.  As the fog lifted I knew that I couldn’t go back.  I made my choice.  I am going forward.  And while I cannot reconcile my decision and my faith I still believe.  I have to.  I’ve experienced both.  And to deny either one is impossible for me.