I was surfing the internet the other day and came across this tattoo. I shared it with my kids. I shared it on twitter. I showed a few friends.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed watching the different reactions people have had to it. Personally I think it’s quite clever. If people are going to be looking/noticing that a toe is missing you might as well have them giggling over the whole thing.
Friday night I told my kids about the divorce. Hardest day ever. I didn’t tell them the reason. I talked to the lawyer about it, and she recommended that I wait on that one. She said that it would be better to let them adjust to their parents not being together before we take on that one. I talked to my husband about it, and he was ok with that idea. I told my oldest kids first. I am not going to go into their reactions here. Just know it was hard. They told me they loved me and gave me a hug when we ran out of words. The youngest was the worst. I knew it would be that way. I told her separately for that very reason. She was a textbook case. She said and did everything you would expect a kid to do. It just about killed me. I’ve been watching them over the last two days. They still seem to be in shock. They are watching me and my husband. We are like we’ve always been. Talking, laughing, and being friendly. Maybe it helps that they see that we are still friends. Maybe it would be better if we were fighting. That would make more sense to them. I wonder if giving them a reason would have made it easier or harder. So many thoughts. My youngest summed it up perfectly last night when she said, “this is just so complicated.”
Today they went to church. I wonder if they told any of their friends. I wonder if the phone calls are about to start. I’m not quite ready for that.
I’ve turned in my papers, and the lawyer is filing them tomorrow.
I have a feeling that this is going to be a really long week.
I have this friend. I haven’t known her long…only a few months…but I feel like I know her well. We connected, she and I, in that way that is a rarity. That way that makes you question how long it is exactly that you’ve known each other. Surely years have passed, but when I think back to where I was just 6 months ago I realize that this friend didn’t know me then. When I consider all the emotions, all the questions, all the crazy I’ve experienced over the last 2 years and then stop and think about how I didn’t even know this person during most of it I am flabbergasted. And then I consider the here and now. How topsy turvy my life currently is. And I look at my friend. She had every reason to bow out when we met those few short months ago. My life was about to get hard. Why would any sane person choose to have a front row seat to chaos she just learned existed? But my friend, she didn’t bow out. She stepped up. She chose to walk beside me and hold my hand. She is my steady. My constant. A safe place to land after a hard day. I’ve debated sharing her with you and decided I can’t keep her a secret.
When I first met her I noticed that she wore a chain around her neck with two charms on it. One of those charms is a Fleur-de-lis. She explained it’s significance over dinner the first night we met. As I thought about what to call her here, at least for now, I thought that Fleur-de-lis was perfect. It’s an emblem that can be political, but at the same time is a beautiful flower…a lily or an iris. It’s artistic and regal. It’s been on flags, coins, coats of arms, and in various artwork all throughout history. Old and new people groups have used it for various purposes which makes it meaningful and versatile. My favorite thing about it though is that it is often used on a compass rose to mark north. And if you know where north is you can’t ever get lost.
I need a weekend! Thankfully that happens tomorrow. This has been a crazy week. Some early work days, some staying up late days, and some emotional family days.
My husband is taking three of the kids out of town on Friday for a quick trip to see his parents. I am staying at home because the oldest kid works on Saturday and Sunday. I get to play chauffeur. My husband is also planning to tell his parents and brother about our situation while he’s with them.
I still need to blog about the talk with my sister. I’ll probably get to that this weekend.
Alright. Dashing off to work now. At 4:45 in the morning.
Well…it wasn’t pretty. Not at all. I am too emotionally drained to even write anything about it now. I just wanted to let people know that it may be a couple of days before I can put it all here. I’m ok. Still doing this thing. Just need to process all that was said.
Lesbo says this is my safe place to say anything I want. Not quite anything. There are a couple of things I can’t say here just yet. I am ready to scream them out, but I have to have patience. Normally I am a very patient person. I can wait when necessary. My problem now is that the thing I want to scream out seems so very necessary. And I can’t do a damn thing about it. Yet.
I read back over what I just wrote and wonder if I should even say that much.
Let’s move on to a happier subject. I am going to see Brad Paisley in concert on Sept. 11! I can’t even tell you how excited I am about that! I’ve wanted to see him for awhile now, but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. He came to town for the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo and nobody would agree to go. I wasn’t about to go alone. He’s coming again and this time I get to go. OH my gosh….BRAD PAISLEY!!!! I asked a friend if she would go with me, and she said yes. She ended up getting the tickets for me for my birthday. And she doesn’t even like country music. Poor thing will just have to suffer through it.
And in other news I bought a vanilla lime candle at Yankee Candle the other day. It smells very much like a margarita which makes me happy. I LOVE candles. I love margaritas too, but that’s another story.
See…this is what happens when I can’t talk about what I want to talk about. You get random drivel.
Speaking of random drivel…my sister wants to talk to me tomorrow night. Big huge sigh. It won’t be random at all. There is purpose in her visit. I predict sad and mad as her response to what is going on. And unlike with my dad I expect to see the anger.
Ok…I have to stop now. I am getting frustrated that I have to hold my tongue. I can’t wait for the freedom to say whatever the hell I want. I can’t wait!
Before moving to Turkey one of our favorite places to go for the day was to the Kemah boardwalk. We always rode the train, ate some yummy seafood, played in the dancing fountain, and had beignets for dessert. Occasionally we would let the kids ride the ferris wheel or merry-go-round as well. A couple of weeks ago we took our first trip to Kemah since we’ve been back in the states. Evidently Hurricane Ike did quite a bit of damage here, but we couldn’t tell at all. Kemah was back and better than ever! Here are a few pictures of our day.
The train ride. Of course!
Anna Grace screaming in the tunnel.
Erica, Will, and Anna Grace decided to ride the Drop Zone. Jacob didn’t want to have anything to do with it. I didn’t blame him one bit!
Yeah…it was entirely too tall for me! I wish I had a picture of the kids’ faces right after they were dropped. They were scared! Within seconds they were laughing and talking about how fun it was though.
They all decided to take home temporary tattoos as a souvenir.
The day was hot, but we had fun! We had the yummy seafood, ate beignets, and rode a few more rides as well, but somehow I only managed to take these few pictures! We’ll get ’em next time!
I know people are wondering how the meeting with my dad went. It was fine. Almost as good as it could be. He wasn’t supportive of my decision, but he did listen. He didn’t speak out in anger or say hurtful things. He said he was sure of two things. 1. how much he and my mom both loved me and cared about me. 2. what the bible says. He said that as my dad he felt like he had a responsibility to come over and share his feelings with me. Because he has always been such an amazing father he had more than earned that right. I’m glad he came over. I’m glad he said what he did. There was no hate, anger or anything even close to that in his voice. He was sad, but that is to be expected. He told me before he left that he wasn’t trying to change my feelings. He wasn’t trying to convince me that I am wrong. He just needed to share.
I’m not sure where we will go from here. I don’t know how our relationship will change. There will be changes I’m sure. And again…I am ready to accept whatever comes.
I’m sitting on my bed. My normal spot for most internet surfing and blogging. I can’t stay here for long though. I need to change clothes and grab a box of tissues. My dad is coming over to talk to me. He will be here in an hour. I have no idea what to expect from this conversation other than lots of tears on my part.
I have always been a daddy’s girl. My dad loves me and would do just about anything for me. Tonight that might change. I talked to my parent’s a week and a half ago. I opened up and let it all spill out. I confessed things that my dad had never even imagined could be true of me. My mom wasn’t surprised really, but she still didn’t like what she heard. My dad asked for time to process all that he heard and to sort out his feelings. Tonight I will hear what he thinks. I don’t know what to expect exactly. I just know that he wants time to talk. I know it won’t be easy. And the reason I know that is because those are his exact words. “This won’t be easy.”
I’m serious about it all though. Completely serious. If I didn’t truly believe in what I am doing I wouldn’t have ever mentioned it to him in the first place. I wouldn’t have hurt him that way.
Tonight my role in my family…the role of daughter…might be changing forever. I considered the consequences of my actions long before I ever took them. I am ready to face whatever consequences may come.
I am ready.
I was adding some pictures to my computer when I stumbled across these. I took these pictures in May when the first fruits of our garden were starting to make themselves known. The vibrant colors make my heart ache.
Yellow squash
A baby watermelon
A perfect little cucumber.
Ah…the sweet smell of home grown tomatoes!
And for the flower lovers out there I’ll include this one. 
I am a mixed medium gardener. Flowers mixed with veggies, mixed with shrubs, mixed with annuals, mixed with roses, mixed with…well you get the idea.
Midlife Natalie 