Author Archives: midlifenatalie

Yesterday I blogged, and I chatted for a bit on twitter.  I was amazed at how supportive everyone was.  I was amazed at how much I needed to blog and chat.  There’s something about the support of this crazy online community.  It was a nice feeling.  Thanks to everyone who commented here and on twitter.  I appreciate all of you more than you know.

I also signed up to participate in The Great Interview Experiment sponsored by Neil over at Citizen of the Month.  I participated last year and had a great time meeting new bloggers.  Go check him out and sign up for an interview if you are so inclined.  You never know who you might meet!

I’m alone.  I am sitting in my apartment all by myself.  Nobody is expecting me to be anywhere or do anything for them for the next six hours.  I have six hours of alone time.  Wow.  

I was thinking about the fact that I would have this unexpected alone time today.  One would think that my alone time would have multiplied since I moved out of my house.  Actually the opposite has happened.  I wake up alone most mornings.  I have about an hour by myself, but it is spent getting ready to go to work.  I don’t have time to just enjoy being alone.  After work I might go back to my apartment to change clothes, but it is just a quick in and out trip.  After changing clothes I go to the house to spend time with the kids.  When I lived there I could go to my room and close the door and be alone.  Since moving out I want to make sure that I’m spending time with them when I am there.  I cook dinner for them, watch TV with them, play games with them…whatever they want to do.  Sometimes I pick them up and bring them back to my place where I cook dinner for them, watch TV with them, play games with them…again…whatever they want to do.  They take turns spending the night at my apartment a few nights a week.  I don’t have enough beds for all 4 of them so they usually come in twos.  Sometimes I have a few minutes alone to get online or make a phone call when they are with me, either at their place or mine, but I am always with them.  That is what I choose to do.  When I am not with them or at work I spend time with Fleur de lis.  Sometimes she comes to my place and sometimes I go to hers.  We already don’t get to see each other nearly enough so any alone time I might have is completely reserved for her.  That is what I choose to do.  At the end of the day when I am finally back at my place and on the rare occasion that I am here alone all I want to do is sleep.   

Today circumstances were such that other than a quick trip to help get kids where they needed to be this morning and another one later this afternoon I have nothing.  A long extended period of nothing.  The kids are busy.  Fleur de lis is busy.  And I’m not.  

Wow.  I forgot what this felt like.

Remember these? These delectable chocolate covered marshmallow Santas? Ahhh…such good memories…


Then there was this. A heart. I loved it as well despite the chocolate to marshmallow ratio being slightly off.

And now…

I’ve discovered this. Standby while I take my first bite…ahhh…such a sweet familiar flavor. But…wait…I had no idea…the marshmallow is chocolate flavored, too. A chocolate marshmallow covered in chocolate? Yummo!

I love fall. I love the colors associated with it. I love the cooler weather as well. And I love the food. Last year we moved back to the states the Monday before Thanksgiving. By the time jetlag wore off we were in full Christmas mode. I missed fall. This year I was pleasantly surprised by all the fall foods in the grocery store. The variety of squash alone was enough to make me giddy. In Turkey we had zucchini. They weren’t exactly like the ones here in the states. They were a lighter green, but the flavor was the same. I liked them and cooked them often, but I missed other varieties.

The other day I bought these three varieties of squash. From left to right…CARNIVAL squash, DELICATA squash, and GOLDEN NUGGET squash. Yum! I cooked them all in the same night for a mini taste test. The kids took one bite, which I didn’t even capture on camera, and turned their noses up. Well everyone but Erica. She and I both thought they were delicious! They all tasted very similar. Slightly sweet and buttery…or maybe that was the butter I put on them. Either way…yum!

Oh my…so much has happened since my last post here.  I’m not sure where I should even start.  

I guess I can start with the move.  I moved out.  I signed a lease on a 2 bedroom apartment about a mile from the house and moved.  I’ve been in my new place for 2 weeks now.  I can’t believe it.  It is so quiet here.  The first night my youngest slept over she complained about the lack of noise.  She was used to hearing hamster wheels, the washing machine or dryer, a tv…all background noise to her falling asleep.  I didn’t even have a tv, had only worn a couple days of clothes so I had no need to do laundry, and own no pets.  I finally hooked my ipod up to the speakers and turned some music on for her.  That seemed to do the trick.  When my oldest son spent the night he complained of the same thing the next morning at breakfast.  I thought it was funny that the lack of noise bothered them.  

I have spent so much money in the last 2 weeks.  I haven’t made many big purchases…a bed and a TV (totally for the kids), but there have been so many little things that have added up.  Drinking glasses, a vacuum cleaner, several trash cans, towels, shower curtains, a can opener, and various other small items.  Every time I go to Walmart I walk away with a $150 worth of merchandise.  I also signed up for cable and internet.  I wasn’t able to get online from the apartment so I was checking my email at work.  That was ok, but I wasn’t crazy about it.  I could have lived without the TV and cable, but I knew the kids would do better with it.  I want them to want to come to my house.  I know that an empty apartment isn’t much of a draw.  They are all beyond the age of toys, and the room they are sharing currently has a blow up mattress and a twin rollaway bed in it.  Not much for 4 kids ages 10 and up.  Having the TV and a donated Playstation 2 will help tremendously!  

The other day the kids were all there while we waited on the cable guy.  For fun they dumped the halloween candy out of the bowl I had put it in and spent the next 30 minutes trying to “make baskets” by tossing it all back in.  They also chased each other around the loop that runs through the living room, hallway, bathroom, bedroom and dining area.  There were smack down wrestling matches and finally a mom instigated card game of war.  And I hate that game.  At that point I was willing to do anything to get them to sit still for a few minutes.  The cable guy came and left and I watched my heretofore mentioned rambunctious kids sit quietly and watch a show on TV.   

 I hope to be blogging more.  I miss it.  I anticipate things settling down some now.  We’ll see.

Hm…not sure what to write here exactly.

I appreciate all the prayers and thoughts for me and my family. I know most of you would like an explanation, but I am not ready to talk to anyone about all that is going on. Just know that Brian has been truly remarkable throughout the whole thing. It is important to me that you know that. Even though he disagrees with some of the decisions I’ve made he has been kind and gracious to me. I expected nothing less. He was always that way. Also I wanted to let everyone know that the kids are in the forefront of my mind. I will be a bike ride away from them at most, and they will be seeing me on a daily basis. In no way am I abandoning them or my role as their mother. Beyond that I don’t have anything else to say yet. Maybe I never will. This is personal, and I need to keep it that way for now.

I have internet at home now. I’m sure I’ve lost quite a few readers in my blogging absence, but life has gotten in the way lately. And now it’s late and I’m tired and I just want to go to bed. Life has been hard today. I’ve taken an emotional beating. I asked for it though. I’ll be back with an actual update in the next couple of days. After I sleep.

I am currently without internet at home. I am downloading my email at work, but I haven’t had time to actually answer most of them. I promise I’m not ignoring you guys! And there is no time for blogging during my quick time online either. Oh…and the vonage phone isn’t working since the internet isn’t working. I am able to check my messages though. Sorry for the craziness!

Our internet at home has changed. Currently we only have one computer hooked up to the internet and no wireless modem. With 6 people vying to use the computer you can imagine how much internet time I’m getting. That’s why I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot at work blogging. BUT I’ve been here all day, and I’m tired so this is all the blogging I’m going to do! For now anyway.

Lately I’ve been looking at my stuff with new eyes.  I guess new isn’t the right word exactly.  Aged eyes.  Knowing eyes.  Trying to picture this house without some of the stuff in it.  Trying to visualize the holes left by my taking things.  The desk in the corner of the living room will be gone.  Will that spot look strangely empty?  The fruit bowl and bamboo plant on the island will be gone as well.  What will go there to take their places?  Will the mantle seem lopsided without that pile of stones from the Black Sea?  I’ve also been trying to picture a new place with what’s missing from the old one.  Where will I hang my prints from France?  The candle stand and the buffet and my books will all need a new spot.  Should I take the house plants or leave them?  As I move through the rooms of this house my eyes dart back and forth causing the headache I had earlier today to return.   Tylenol and then to bed.